hav a strange feeling since i woke up... haiz.. dunno why, den hav a mixture of feelings inside mi... suddenly feel sad, haiz..

sent out several emails, one of them replied asking mi to meet n tok... dun realli know y am i feelin like tis n doin tis... bt was happy tat at least one of them replied...

yest's post is my longest post of all.. haha... today wake up rather early also, went bedok for haircut... haha... nt much diff though, n the person who cut my hair for mi happens to be the 'hong pai' of the salon.. lol... sum funny things happen during the haircut lol...

yupz after tat went hougang de Sasa buy sum things... den walk ard abit lo... hmmz.. went home clean up den sleep at 4 plus till 8+ haha... nw wake up check mail, do sum stuff... n looking for more info on CHS... tink most prob i'll end up in np ba... hahaa.. bt den goin there veri difficult to get into uni leh... if never go uni den will be chi teacher onli... nt much future.. lol... bt heard tat when teaching can also go take degree de... haiz.. bt dunno also... bt my zhi jue tell mi tat go CHS will hav a beta future than goin JC... dunno y gt tis strange feelign... lol....

den nw tinking of where to go on sun... yx wanna go queensway to buy trackshoes... bt there nth much to walk de.. aftertat dunno wanna go where....

sam cheer up kz?

ya quite long never blog le... coming here to blog 4 sam:

most ppl say go jc is beta route la, bt its nt true for all lo, cos nt everyone is acadamically-inclined... perhaps u'll excel beta if u go for sumting u realli like... bt den its realli diff to make a choice of courses now cos maybe we're nt matured yet... bt for nw, if u realli wanna go poly, choose the one u luv most... at least u like it nw n hope u wun regret it cos its ur own choice... if its ur dream to get into a jc, den juz go for it, as long as u hav the determination u can make it,... bt juz dun make life difficult for urself... u shd know wats best for urself.. i mean, if u wanna go jc, muz hav the confidence to get into uni, else the 'a' level cert is nth compared to a diploma... im nt saying tis to scare u, bt juz to let u know... u'r in the first 3 mths nw, u shd know the standard of jc, so hope u'r able to make a beta judgement...
as for ur co, maybe its gd tat u wanna quit den u concentrate more on ur tkd? hmm... juz take it easy though i know its hard... n nw first 3 mths onli, juz take as a chance for u to learn more tings n make more frens... dun give ur self too much pressure k? dun worry, u still hav time... though maybe nt alot, bt tis kind of tings muz consider carefully de...
切记，欲速则不达。千万不要操之过急，一定要冷静地想清楚。选择在于你，无论你的抉择是什么，只要你认为是你想要的，就相信你自己。向他人请教，固然能使你有多方面的收获，也能让你从不同的角度看待事物，但是最终，要走这条路的人，是你。所谓“条条大路通罗马”初院生并不一定就比理工学院生来得好。
或许我的观点太过偏激，但希望你能想清楚。
try to take everyting easy n u wun feel so stressed up... no matter wat's ur choice, u muz hav confidence with ur own decision....
________________________________________________________

for myself, though nt realli confirmed yt. n as expected most ppl advise mi to go jc.. bt hope i know wats best for myself.. waiting for NIE to reply my enquiry now... den tink will make a choice after release of results...
well.. these few days rather buzi with cleaning stuff... helping my mum to clean the hse, quite lots of tings to do.. tat day dad juz re-paint the hse so hafta help shift things... ya den put up all the cny decos.. so nice.. haha... yupz... for nw, tink i dun wan to tink too much bout goin jc or poly, cos it onli makes mi feel more troubled... toking bout tis, sumhw juz feel tat sumting isnt rite... dunno why... dun wish to tok bout it le... going to throw all the unhappiness away with the old yr to welcome the new year... nw juz wanna endulge myself into the atmosphere of cny.. haha....
anyway sam, tink we'll be goin out on sun instead of tomolo... u free to come along? time n place nt realli confirm yt will tell u asap... dun worri so much le, sumtimes, shun qi zi ran is the way of life...

realised tat i didn like the new layout... lol.. yupz today went to np open hse... was rather disappointing... haiz... tot the CHS tok will be providing info on the course of study n info of the course bt it was nt... it's merely there to persuade us to take teaching as a career... kaoz... den go the booth also cant get a brochure on the course... sehz... cannot make it de.... haiz... dun realli know if i wan to be a teacher lo, cos dun tink hav the passion to teach... i luv chi n tats a fact, bt teaching is a diff thing.. .n it seems tat the CHS is onli catering for those interested in pursuing a teaching career...

ya den aftertat went chinatown with parents... den sis n bear join us later... ya walk ard n dad bought lots of new year ornaments.. quite a crowd there.. haha... den kor buying a kangoo soon... haha so nice.. yupz... haiz nw still deciding whether to go jc or poly...

yest:
woke up den watch xiao xin with my sis while eating nasi lemak from bedok.. slurps.. haha.. den go compass point buy the shirt... haha.. walk walk ard saw the casio watch again.. lol... anyway, asked sam to help mi buy the bank notes album if she gt go popular cos she gt 10% discount lol...
go home clean windows n cd cabinet... den in the nite went amk with parents... hav dinner n shop ard... sam called n tok bout goin to poly's open hse.. bt she gt lessons till so late... dun wan to pon haha... so she can onli go on sat lo... nvm la will help u record the CHS de tok de kz? haha..

ya den bout today... hmmm nth much cos juz woke up 1 hr ago.. lol.. woke up eat sum biscuits den blooging here le... yupz...

today woke up at 1+... actually wanna go compass with my sis de, bt later she say wan stay at home sing ktv... haha so stay home lo... yupz... den sing till 4+ bear come fetch us... sent my mum n mi to chinatown den my sis n him go suntec... super crowded at chinatown sia... lol... ya... reach there at ard 6... den shop awhile till bout 6.45 den go outside there... though lots of ppl, still manage to find a place where can see the firecrackers... haha... tis yr one quite long wor, tink more than 2 mins? haha... den took sum photos.. aftertat walk over to the other side... the nian huo shi chang there... alot of ppl sia... wanted to find sumting to eat bt so many ppl so went over to maxwell market... haha... yupz.. eat le walk ard den come home le... haha

A longer personality test tat i juz took...
introverted, secretive, reclusive, tough, non social, observer, fearless, solitary, libertarian, detached, outsider, abides the rules, mind over heart, good at saving money, does not like to stand out, does not make friends easily, self sufficient, not aggressive, likes the unknown, unconcerned with external opinion, strong, abstract, independent, very intellectual, analytical, high self control

Personality test:
clean, secretive, does not make friends easily, observer, hates large parties, risk averse, perfectionist, reclusive, solitude loving, more practical than abstract, does not like to stand out, high self control, intellectual, mind over heart, very cautious, takes precautions, respects authority, irritable, emotionally sensitive

juz woke up hahah... yest nite mi sis came home complaining tat she regret goin cineleisure eat buffet with frens.. cos she went gym 2 times tis week le... den eat once buffet all the efforts went down to drain haha.. hmm.. later goin out to sgh help dad collect medicine, den bring my mum to clarke quay there de coffee hse... haha.. dunno if i still know the way there so long never go le.... lol...
yeah, chinese new year coming le... so happy... haha... my favourite festival of the year.. haha... luv the re nao qi fen...

packing day

as usual today woke up at bout 2... den mama not in... so i cooked hotdog & cheese omelet for myself.. *yummy.. haha wanted to go rivervale mall eat long john's one bt if i go le den reach home at evening liaoz no nd pack my ro0m... haha... so eat the omelet den start packing my room... so happy cos as i juz started packing, i found something precious tat i tot i've lost in my wardrobe... haha such a surprise... ya den pack until my parents n my bro back they bought mi chicken rice from fj square... so take a rest n eat lo.. den watch 'wo ai zhong wu yan' for a while... a veri boliaoz show... i watched onli becos i like gallen lo... haha...

after tat went to ang mo kio with my mum n bro.... bought quite lots of tings... haha gt a new bolster n pillow... lol... ya den helen helped mi bank in the polar de pay le... though nt alot bt still goin to treat my mum to a dinner tomolo.. haha... yupz...

read gh's blog, dun realli know wat happened to her, bt juz hope tat she'll be alrite soon, n gh, wannna tell u tat no matter wat happens, u can count on mi to be there for u kz? frenz always...

few days never blog le... hmm... went jb yest... ya again.. lol.. bought RM60+ de keychains... some is my bro ask mi buy some my sis ask mi buy... haha.. i onli buy 3 lo.. sehz... den buy lots of foood there.. yummy yummy... bought a oreo chees n marble cheese back for my sis...
den yy ask mi go sch today for photo takin for tai yang yu... dun wan to go at first cos i din realli help much... haha bt after much persuading by him, decided to go... asked sam along tooo... bt too bad, received a call at the last min to ask mi go for job interview so cant go sch... sadz... turn out tat they prefer actual 'o' level holders... sehz...
dun realli hav much to blog... dun wan to blog much too.. anyway, hope tat tai yang yu 2005 can be successfully published... also hope tat tai yang yu can be published every year though its onli a 'wish'....

yupz, am so happy to know tat gt 2 sec 1 members r joining ccs while 4 others r considering... hope tat will be able to hav all 6 as sec one members... ;)

today.. juz went st joseph convent in the afternoon... den go home, use com n slack ard awhile, den go kovan meet my sis n her frens go serangoon sec... nt serangoon sec anymore, i mean its a vacant sch nw used to keep the foods n clothing tat will be sent to tsunami affected areas... ya went to sort n pack some clothes... rather fun, alot of ppl there... can see tat most of the ppl r like having fun? haha i mean its a meaningful act ma... lol..

anyway, thx sam n celia for commenting... yupz n also for their support... tink i'll be alrite soon.. bt juz tat even if u get over sumting, whenever u tink bout it u'll still feel sad de rite? dunno wor... hope its juz normal.. haha.. anyway, looking forward to np open hse on 19th...

sumting with a great impact will sure stay in our memory till the day we passed on....

......

well.. chose nt to go back to nj... its my own choice, bt whenever ppl ask, i dunno hw to ans... i dunno wat reason to give... realli... haiz... so i shall juz say bout the heavy traffic congestion there every morning... haha... its a valid reason though, n its also part of my reason for nt going, bt nt the main one... well... its so saddening tat i dun wish to tok bout it...
it juz seemz tat everybody is asking mi hw's jc life... well... i shd've try to experience... bt haiz... maybe i shdn't go on the first day at all... lol...
ya i muz be firm on my stand... its my own choice.. n as long as i believe its rite, i do wat i believe in... yupz... everyone has their own reasons for doin sth... n i dun owe an explanation to everyone rite? anyway, juz hope tat everyting will be alrite though i believe it'll be hard... it's realli hard... haiz..................

today woke up at 11... wanted to go cca orientation de, bt sleep till so late... haha... den went hougang shop awhile den take bus to bedok lo... wanted to buy the pair of shoes one, bt so sad, no more stock le... shd buy it the other day... =(
haiz... so useless of mi, didn manage to collect any essays from the prcs.... they juz dun reply my sms n dun pick up my phone... sehz... becos of this, my five juniors had to write essays on the spot to make up for the essays tat i din manage to collect... am so apologetic, bt wat can i do when the teacher juz wan to do so? from the smses he sent, can see tat they're bu shuang tat they have to write on the spot lo.. i mean, its realli quite unreasonable lo... haiz... bt too bad la, i cant help them.... blame it on my poor relationship with the prcs lo... tat they dun care bout mi at all... sadz... haiz... bt cant blame them also la... i caused them trouble also.. haiz...

realli regret tat i never go back to help out at the orientation, maybe cos i dunno hw to explain to the teachers tat im nt goin back to nj? hahah... i mean sumtimes, nt everything can be said to everyone rite?

anyway, had a long chat with a fren juz nw.. actually nt realli long la, juz tat started smsing in afternoon lo, den gt chat on msn also... wanted to tell the truth one.... bt still hold back, still dun hav the courage...

anyway, juz realised tat sumtimes u'll feell veri comfortable when toking to sumone bt nt others... ya... thinking of it, feel realli comfortable when toking tot tat person (nt tat fren mentioned in last para)... haha... the status is so much apart, bt juz no barrier... haha...

well, tink bout alot of tings today... lots of things has happened in the past yr... realised tat my bonds with my frens had strenghten, n we r more close... bt tings tat happened also made us apart in sum ways... haiz... to sum up, tis is wat i feel of myself these few mths : 这些日子来，我并没有看透，也不曾想通。我不过是在逃避，并且尽量不让自己回忆罢了。。。

内心的城堡

外表的堂皇艳丽
引来了贪目虚荣者
招不徕忠坚职守的堡主

矗立不倒的城堡
看似坚强
其实不堪一击
大大的铁门深深上锁着
无人得以入侵
钥匙就埋在土里
待主人挖掘
平凡的土壤
引不起任何猜疑

幽深的城堡
夜里静得可怕
传说是孤魂野鬼的栖身处
令人惶恐不安

城堡内的世界
那凄凉景象
那悲惨凄清的画面
无人得以见识
无人得以了解
唯一堡主的痛苦

wrote tis during last few days of sch last yr... showed yx be4.. bt made sum amendments... haiz...

Happy New Year!

happy new yr! its been one wk since i last blog... dun tink its a happy yr for most of yr due to the tsunami disaster... haiz..
anyway, attended 1 day of orientation at Nj... its realli fun n i realli enjoyed it... bt i still didn go back... haiz... its sort of i've gt no other choices.... suan le... anyway, glad to know tat most of my frens are happy with their sch's orientation n they enjoyed it veri much.. i mean, which teenager wun be happy to be able to hav great deal of fun?
ya, so stayed at home n enjoy my freedom these few days... can do anyting i wan... tats the advantage... haha.. bt muz admit tat mass dance n cheering of orientation is realli fun... hmmz... den the admisssion criteria for DICS is out... tink shd be able to get in... bt tinking whether is theree realli a future for mi to go? so waiting for the open hse on 19th...
19th jan is a great day... been waiting for it for the past 6 mths... bt it doesnt realli make much diff to mi nw... all the tings tat has happened had happened n they'll be in my memory... nth can change it le rite? well, shall enjoy my freedom nw... haha... bt ppl r preparing for the campfire nw... *envies* lol...