gt back most papers le... as expected... failed my econs.. haha... it's better than wat i expected le.. .hahah... den the other subs din score veri well... bt physics rocks man.. luv it.. haha.. though din do veri well also.. *sadz... hmmz... haven gt back gp yet... dunno can pass or not.. lol...
wishing sam a Happy Belated Birthday!!

yest went back cchms with yuxuan... the can-chaining ting realli impressive lo.. haha.. they did until so nice... met a few teachers... esp mr wang feng.. lol.. n yx keep saying tat he looks the same.... n tat he's a nice guy... lol... saw yazeed also.. he injured his leg again.. so poor ting.. haiz... hmm... after at went into lt1 listen to principal n minister tok.. sehz.. after a while den leave liaoz... long time nvr go tat lt le... memories linger on...

aftertat went singapore art museum with yx... ppl like so shocked when they heard tat we're gng to museum.. lol.. bt the exhibitions quite nice, though i'm nt good in art... bt still can appreciate some.. hahha.. walk for like 2 hrs in the museum den go eat dinner... aftertat go home to watch the last episode of 'jiu wu zhi zhun'... so nice... the 'daxia' so knowledgeable...

gt so many frens gt r/s probs... dunno hw to help them also.... haha hope they'll be ok... hmm.. ct if u happen to read this, sumone is troubling over u.. i dunno hw to help him also... n i also dunno him veri well... bt know tat he realli is tryin hard... hope u'll give him a chance... bt anyway, juz my comments... haha realli dunno wat to say...

exams over!

exams over le... haha.. tink wun do well tis time cos i din study.. hahah... realli din study lo... onli studied 2 chaps out of 4 chaps for econs... n my essay qns is... more confidence in lep though i onli start studying at 11 on the day.... hahah... hmm... physics also nt much confidence... shd've studied for it... haiz.. anyway... today went orchard with xr n yx.... shop ard lo cos yx wana buy a wallet.... den i bought toner also... finally managed to find tat bio-essence toner le... go so many watsons bt cant find it.. hahha..
den tomolo cchms gt the world longest can chain ting... feel like gng leh.. bt my mother say tomolo wan go malaysia...... dunno wan go which one... realli is yu yu xiong zhang bu ke jian de.. hahah.. hmm... jiu wu zhi zhun ending soon.. a nice show wor... den after tat is the tan pan zhuan jia.. tink sam will luv it.. lol...

y am i blogging here when i haven finish studying? i also dunno.. tings always go out of hand... esp during crucial times... havin a runny nose n running a fever since last nite... haiz... yr also had a high fever before he went for his reservist.... was reading his blog... seems tat he appears to be such a joker in front of his frens bt deep inside him... he's so sad.. so helpless.. dunno why, bt hav a feeling like the both of us r like... on the same boat?? duno... bt one ting i'm sure, he luv cats as much as i do.... n he's a nice guy...

wat shd i write? hmm... today went for father's day dinner cos last nite my sis attended her fren's wedding dinner... nth much to write... family.... everyting is alrite n nice.... studies... juz starting to get along...

4ep gatherin on 31st july...... time seems to pass by so fast yet so slow... it seems to fade feelings yet is juz an illusion or rather its plain avoiding... july... aug... sep... hhaiz..

bai yue guang, xin li mou ge di fang, xiang yi wang, ren bu zhu hui xiang...
mei ge ren, dou you yi duan bei shang, xiang yin cang, que yu gai mi zhang........ ni shi wo, bu neng yan shuo de shang.......

thx gh so much for the bai yue guang disc... realli luv it...

perhapz im juz nt well-prepared yet............

guihao's bday!!

today is our dear guihao's birthday!!! oopz... its actually yesterday la... lol... went the eat the suki sushi lunch buffet @ Hougang Plaza with her, peiwen, xinrou, yuxuan n samartha... the food there is great... *slurps* the sashimi n the softshell crab tastes so gd haha... tink 16.90 is worth it... haha.. shall go there again.. yupz n we played zhong ji mi ma there..... poor xr had to eat so many... haha.. den aftertat they went hougang mall play arcade mi accompany yx home to change.. den go serangoon central.. lol.. dun wan say bout tat le.. so funny.. haha.. den we went marina square... millenia walk... suntec convention c photography exhibitions.... suntec shop.... n den finally gh n pw reached suntec... lol... went Polar buy cake for gh... n she secretly took a photo of a 'shuai ge' in Polar.. haha.. bt let him find out..
anyway, hope gh enjoyed herself today....

holiday le... so fast... start sch for bout 2 mths plus le... hmm... mon gng lep camp @ sports sch.. haha.. so gd... at least better than ntu... =p sis went to tioman island le,.. sianz... tomolo hafta help her teach tuition at the mentor...
tink these few days like everyting gng against mi like tat... haiz... at first found out tat i lost contact with sumone of great influence... den feel so sadz.... realli is 'hao meng nan yuan'.... den cannot finish collecting the money for the lib camp t shirt...and the shirts tat i ordered are all so big... den i lost sumting today also... sianz.... gt back my shou ji yest... all tat i've wrote seems to revolve ard 1 topic... juz cant seem to forget... she ask mi to 'chang shi bu qu chu peng ta'... sumtimes its nt wat i wan also... words tat came from others often cant be avoided.... juz feel tat its all juz fated to be so... sianz....

so long ago...

realli so long ago never update le... hmm... dunno wat to write also... everyday juz go sch come home nth much to write bout... lol... joined library and am an exco nominee now... the interviews went on quite ok... the teachers seem quite nice... haha... n ya... after jun holidays is the june common test... haha if i fail my econs most prob i'll drop it ba... hav been slacking in my tutorials... tink lep is the onli sub tat i did all my work, maybe cos there arent so much work, or maybe cos i like it... i like to write shou ji... bt sumtimes also find it quite hard to write cos there'll be restrictions.... nt everyting can be written for her to read de rite? haha...


-------- u often thought u've forgotten, until u realised tat u're actually juz avoiding it---------
though i hope its juz tat im tinking too much... bt i dun tink so... i never go n tink bout tings bt i also dunno y did tings like come into my life? tis kind of things din happen be4... bt nw, i seems to be hearin it so often.. it seems tat its predestined tat sumting will happened at sum point of time in life...
juz ago, i had beautiful dreams... nw, everything is different.... hw true can it be....
hw i hope i can stay at the time when i saw the fireflies... he always say bout firefly when he see mi... he reminded mi of fireflies too....

hav been slacking for the weekend... haha... juz like the feeling of stayin at home doin nth... lol juz rot ard... today went toa payoh buy the teva slippers... my dad's belated bday present for mi? lol.. anyway, after tat went yishun my dad go collect the fishin rod... he gng fishin tomolo... i also wan go... sobz... long time never go ecp there fish le... bt also gd la... tomolo after fishin he can go fetch mi haha... tink will be skipping tomolo's lep make-up lecture.. haha..

over the rainbow... wat a nice song...

haven been updating recently... tink its rather pointless to blog... though ppl mite say tat tis serves as an online diary.. bt i dun tink so... i tink tis isnt a diary lo... reason is simple.. cos wat we';r writing in diary is onli for ourselves to read... bt nt here... secrets r meant to be kept, tat's the purpose of a secret isnt it?

anyway, juz blog for fun lo... school starts for few wks le.... so nth much to blog bout.... oh ya.. my bro went to bangkok last week n bought doraemon for mi.. haha... so gd tat he can go travel... nvm.. nx time when i work n earn money le also can go... haha..

btw, having 2 tests nx week... so sian... dun feel like studyin... mayb as wat xr said, the tests r meant for us to fail de.. lol...

萤火虫真漂亮！！！

went to malaysia with my family on sat, 2nd apr with my sis's company... went to my mum's hometown... its juz a small kampong-like area where its famous for its lobster... haha... ya its called 四弯岛，bt its nt an island.. lol... sumwhere near desaru... 虽然那儿不是什么繁华都市，也不是什么购物天堂，但那纯朴的乡村生活所散发的浓厚气息，实在令人感到很舒服。晚饭过后，我们乘坐小船在河畔漂泊着，等待夜幕的降临。那种远离尘嚣的感觉，真的令人忘却一切烦恼。仿佛唯一的目标就是看见那萤火虫。那种等待，并不漫长，因为大家已沉浸在大自然的怀抱中。望着两岸的树林，瞧那平静的河水，谁还会记起一切的伤心往事呢？萤火虫体型虽然很小，但它所散发的光芒，带给人们无比欢乐，又有谁会赞赏它呢？
the fireflies r realli nice... drifting along the river, everything seems so peaceful.... nth seems to be bothering us all...

today... nth much.. started tutorials... still quite ok.... btw, thx sis n bear for the deuter bag... luv it veri much.. =) den tracy coming for tuition soon... so tired... wanna sleep.. lol....

萤火虫真漂亮！！！

went to malaysia with my family on sat, 2nd apr with my sis's company... went to my mum's hometown... its juz a small kampong-like area where its famous for its lobster... haha... ya its called 四弯岛，bt its nt an island.. lol... sumwhere near desaru... 虽然那儿不是什么繁华都市，也不是什么购物天堂，但那纯朴的乡村生活所散发的浓厚气息，实在令人感到很舒服。晚饭过后，我们乘坐小船在河畔漂泊着，等待夜幕的降临。那种远离尘嚣的感觉，真的令人忘却一切烦恼。仿佛唯一的目标就是看见那萤火虫。那种等待，并不漫长，因为大家已沉浸在大自然的怀抱中。望着两岸的树林，瞧那平静的河水，谁还会记起一切的伤心往事呢？萤火虫体型虽然很小，但它所散发的光芒，带给人们无比欢乐，又有谁会赞赏它呢？
the fireflies r realli nice... drifting along the river, everything seems so peaceful.... nth seems to be bothering us all...

today... nth much.. started tutorials... still quite ok.... btw, thx sis n bear for the deuter bag... luv it veri much.. =) den tracy coming for tuition soon... so tired... wanna sleep.. lol....

so many days no blog le.... lol.. veri lazy... hmm... wanna thx dongjie for the ecard first... haha.. though she may nt read tis la, bt thx...
den back to these few days.. nth much basically... juz went sch for lectures with so many breaks in between for mi to slack... lol... yup den yest meet our civics tutor...she's quite nice.... ya den the overseas cip trip... i wanna go.... bt my parents dun allow...sobz....
hmm.. den tomolo got orientation nite... dunno wan go or not leh... cos sat hav to wake up early cos goin malaysia with family....

so long neber blog le... sick again.. lol.. sehz... bt feel so much beta after sleeping for i tink 13 hrs? lol...
tj's orientation realli cannot make it wor... so sianz... n tink mani ppl pon today's amazing race... n their mass dance cannot make it also... haha... nj one nicer... lol.. erm... dunno wat to blog bout... so tired.... lucky i never go for the amazing race... else sure die there.. lol... tomolo goin gh's hse to bbq... bt dun tink i can eat... sobz....

lyrics of bai yue guang... realli m wat im feeling... had always luv tis song.. bt never realli notice the lyrics.. until i saw it from the disc gh give mi... seems tat its so close to mi... realli... mei ge ren dou you yi duan bei shang... xiang yin cang yu zai sheng zhang....

白月光　心里某个地方　那么亮　却那么冰凉　每个人　都有一段悲伤　想隐藏　却欲盖弥彰　白月光　照天涯的两端　在心上　却不在身旁　擦不干　你当时的泪光　路太长　追不回原谅　你是我　不能言说的伤　想遗忘　又忍不住回想　像流亡　一路跌跌撞撞　你的捆绑　无法释放　白月光　照天涯的两端　愈圆满　愈觉得孤单　擦不干　回忆里的泪光　路太长　怎么补偿　你是我　不能言说的伤　想遗忘　又忍不住回想　像流亡　一路跌跌撞撞　你的捆绑　无法释放　白月光　心里某个地方　那么亮　却那么冰凉　每个人　都有一段悲伤　想隐藏　愈在生长

yest went sam's hse play xbox n get sum notes from her... ya lo din managed to fetch 10 customers... dun believe canot get 10... will try again nx time.. haha... aftertat went home for dinner first den meet her again to go rivervale plaza to rent vcds den go compass.... ya den saw tat nice 'penguin necklace' sooooo nice... aftertat went home watch 1/2 yuan fen n qian nian zhi lian...
hmm den juz woke up.. cook sumting to eat den nth much le...

sadz

i suddenly found out tat sumone close to mi is juz making my life difficult.. haiz.. the person knows tat im upset bout it yet tat person is mentioning it again n again... juz wondering... is it cos tat person juz has such important position in my heart tat im feelin so upset over it or is it cos im being oversensitive... bt i juz wanna say, it realli hurts.. even till nw......
though i know tat tat person mite nt be sayin it out on purpose.. bt i dunno.. i sumhow feels tat tat person knows tat i'll be sad after hearin it bt i still found out....

am feelin rather pressurize these few days cos of a no. of issues.. will try to blog lesser......

a long day today.. went marine parade for flag day with ccs... i organised de wor.. lol bt onli 9 persons turned up n among the 9 i onli knew 2 haha.. bt nvm... yupz den go parkway the bridge there.. quite alot of ppl... n managed to fill up half the tin i tink.. ya n realised tat ppl r rather generous cos most ppl donated $1 coins.. n ya, tat dong bin still as funny as be4... dunno y, bt the way he toks juz reminds mi of renyuan.. lol...
at bout 5+ actually sms mi sis say mi at marine parade hungry tot she'll ask dad to come fetch mi cos they all at bedok... bt she actually din.... so sad.. n when i called, she said they were on the way home le... sobz... den i go out lo... go tampines shop... haha... tm alot of ppl wor.. quite long never go le... hmm... saw a kukumalu bag $14.90 veri nice.. likes the army green one n the pink one bt never buy... bought shorts instead... anyway, was shoppin in metro n was takin sum clothes to try when i suddenly felt so weak... as if i've lost all the resistance to fight... lost the motivation to move on... dun realli know hw to describe tat feeling... den i told myself im a fortunate person compared to many others... hmm... shop for quite long den go eat long john's den go home... reached home at bout 2210 n watch 'qian nian zhi lian'...

n ya forgot to mention tat i went century square de missha wanna find angelina from mxps bt she's nt ard... tink she worked till 7... hmmz... quite a crowd at missha there... cos the tings r quite cheap actually.. haha...

today woke up veri early... dad fetched mi n mum to katong de temple den we go eat breakfast... aftertat went bugis... shop ard n eat quite alot of tings... aftertat went home sam asked mi go her hse play xbox de.. bt in the end i fall asleep... lol.. so never go...
n ya.. my sis gt new phone a few days ago... nokia 6260.. haha veri fun.. keep using it to take self-portrait... yupz... everyting seems so normal.. hmm tink will b goin swimmin again tomolo morning if i can wake up lol...

heeding advices...

din go anywhere these few days... juz dunno wats happening actually... intend to go suntec today de... bt din go cos of sum reasons n so was staying at home, n suddenly feels as though crying without anybody knowing is so common? lol.. had a late nite last nite.. slept at ard 4 am though im on the bed since 1+.. nt tat i cant get to sleep... bt juz tat sumtimes, its always when im alone tat tings dun go the way i wished...

feels so sian nw.. hav decided to do sumting meaningful... bt sumhow juz feels wat i've said, wat i've done, may nt realli be wat im actuallly feeling...

hmm yest nite went loyang temple with mum n bro.. alot of ppl wor... tink its the onli temple in singapore with so many xiang ke ba... reali xiang huo ding sheng... reach home already past midnite le... online check mail awhile den go sleep le...

today woke up early cos meeting yy to collect the 'o' level chi notes cos mon helping tracy with her chi... ya meet him at 10 at serangoon there... hmm den come home first den go eat brunch with my mum... nth much to update le...

finish writing the letter to selina... a four-paged long one.. lol... haven been writing for so long le... sumtimes its realli a pleasure to be writing... bt den, it depends on wat u'r writin also... writing bout unhappy stuff isnt realli a pleasure though its nice to write out wateva feelings u hav, bt i'd rather nt hav anyting to write bout... tink i shd realli learn to 拿得起放得下。bt the prob is, i din take it up in the first place, n y shd i put down tings tat others took up? k im toking crap here... heeding advice....

nth much to update bout these few days cos was resting at home... sleepin most of the time lol cos of the medicine...
dunno y, these few days keep having lots of dreams... they say is cos dun sleep well tats y hav dreams... bt i dunno... sum of the dreams r nice, bt perhapz im tinking too much tat i dreamt of tings tat i hate to hear most.... tis feelin is realli terrible... r sick n cant go out, yet hav nth to do bt to hu si luan xiang n den dream of sumting u hate most... haiz..
btw, still owe selina a letter... haha its been so long since she sent mi...

juz changed blog skin yest... juz luv the quotes n the pic.. dunno wats wrong with the tag board... thx sam for ur concern.. am quite fine nw except for sum cough.. yupz den yest nite went compass pt with my mum.. shopped awhile den go library.. din shop much also cos was still nt feeling veri well.. ya so went home n rest...

hmm.. today woke up le read sum books den come online... was reading the archives of sam's blog... haiz... seems as though my probs hav caused her unhappiness too... sianz.. den go read my own blog's archive... all the unhappy memories in 2004 seems to hav caused a great change in everyting... be it our mindsets, our behaviours, our feelings, our actions.. it juz seems to hav created too much probs tat till nw they'r all still linked up.. can still remember the 2 days in sep... both days make mi hate the number 13... haiz...

bt as i've said be4 in angelfire, perhapz tis is sai weng shi ma, yan zhi fei fu... bt frankly speakin, i realli dun mind forsaking the 'fu' for wat i've 'shi'... well at least for nw, there's sumone who understands n agree with wat im doin nw... tat person said she'll do the same if he were in my position...

haven been bloggin for long time... finally made up my mind of goin tj... dunno wat to say nw... hav been sick since yest, mind is blank, slept almost for the whole day yest...

nw, though i've made up my mind of goin tj, im still afraid... afraid of the explanations part.... haiz.. y muz everyting be linked together? tink i shd try nt to tink bout it... though i know tat doin so is onli tao bi xian shi... perhaps im juz too worried bout tings tat doesn't requires mi to worry bout... ya bu yao wei mei you bi yao de fan nao er fan nao.. as in, even if i'm worried, tings wun change to any beta... maybe i shall juz give ppl stupid excuses...

had a discussion with my mum juz now, n asked for comments while online juz nw... tink most prob i'll be goin jc ba... haha sumone juz hav such great influence on mi ya? lol...

today wake up den go rivervale plaza help dad buy carpark season ticket... after tat go np ask bout the chi course lo... actually tot so far no one wans go with mi de... haha bt den gh called mi say she n angel no place go so go with mi.. haha ya den meet them at np there... den go for the course counselling thingy... quite alot ppl there... den we take the brochure from the CHS le den sit down at the sofa there tok crap lo... ya bt i still cant decide on goin there or nt leh... tat np guy say if i like chi shd go for the course la, cos will be beta than jc... bt den go poly veri difficult to go uni leh... aftertat pei angel go make singpass lo.. hafta wait so long... haha... ya wait for an hour plus ba den we walk to mrt lo... wanna go xr's hse de bt den nvr go haha cos gh wan go home eat.. so we go with her lo.. lol... den my bro come fetch mi from gh's hse... reach home le discuss with my parents lo... they say if i like chi den go ahead for the CHS lo...
bt i also dunno leh, cos gt sumone of great influence ask mi try go tj.... haha ya den i also afraid tat go poly le den cannot go uni onli left with a dip...
hmm den tomolo goin ecp cycle with angel gh n xr...

juz got back my results today... well i sort of expected tis l1r5 la, bt den quite disappointed for sum subs lo... anyway, tot i'll do worst de.. haha.. bt still quite sad la cos like alot ppl in our class n sch get single digit lo.. bt overall i still tink its nt bad la cos i realli expect sumting worst... ya den sumone asked for my results den said tat i could've done bettter... bt still alrite le... cos tat person knew wat happened ma... anywya, most ppl advice mi to go jc la... say tj nt bad ask mi give a try... lol... den gt sum funny ppl tell mi i shd tell nj tat i got go sch everyday when they called mi.. realli sehz lo.. lol...

long time never blog here le... maybe cos i dun like to blog here when im unhappy... haha... ya goin to take back results later.. ppl seems to be nervous bout it n my sis keep asking mi im worried or not, or i nd her to accompany mi to get results or nt.. lol.. bt i dun realli seem like feeling a ting bout it.. if there is, is juz tat i still haven decided on goin jc or poly... maybe cos i'v expected the worse, n sum experience gained by mi makes mi feel numb cos i dun tink the impact of bad results is worst than wat i've experienced... anyway, i knew tat i cant do well de cos... so no pt worrying... if results realli no gd den go poly lo.. haha

hmm den yest went xr's hse play mahjong with yx, angel, ng xin n shuyun... was watching 'Life Is Beautiful' while playign.. its such a nice show though i've watched many times le.. haha... if onlli life is realli so beautiful...... haiz bt it isnt...

today go watch 'i do i do' with gh n sam at ps... quite a funny show though i din realli like sharon au.. bt anyway, quite nice show la... ya den took neo prints with gh n sam also... ya den aftertat went bedok for dinner with family... my bro treating wor.. haha... yupz.. den eat le went bedok interchange shop lo... bt nth much also la, cos tat day juz went onli...

haiz.. dunno y like having a bad feeling bout tings these few days.. ya am trying nt to tink too much bout tings..... =(

tis afternoon went compass wanna buy the deuter bag, bt dun hav it there... so never buy... hmmz den shop ard lo.... bought sum food... cos nt in veri gd mood wanna splurge.. tats y wanna go buy the bag, bt so sad.... haiz... after tat went home hav dinner.... online awhile... den gh called n ask mi to meet at compass...

ya so asked my bro drive mi there lo... den saw gh she's so different.... she cried when she see mi... haiz.. dunno hw to console her also... ya den meet with yx n angel go yoshinoya talk lo.. realli hav no idea hw to console her... haiz... bt gh, cheer up kz?

yest:

woke up at 10+ den go my 3rd uncle's hse at sengkang... didn do much except gamblign.. lol... den we left at evening after dinner at bout 7... den my sis suggested goin bishan j8 so my bro n i meet her there... den shop ard there... the new extension like nth much de... lol... haha den yest got some 'pool challenge' over there n the winner will drive away with a car.. haha.. yupz... den went sports connection saw a deuter cross bike bag veri nice... haha maybe will buy... den went basement for some snacks...

today:

nth much cos juz woke up lol... read gh's blog yest... its ok gh, juz call mi whenever u wan, u dun hav to tell mi wat happen if u dun wish to... juz know tat i'll be there for u no matter wat happens... though hope tat there wun be a nx time for u to call mi while crying... haha...

欢庆佳节，何人不乐？
纵有万千感慨，
也唯有埋藏心底，独自怆然。

贵人相助，能否解围？
历经狂风骤雨，
持恍如隔世之感，他人无奈。

旁人误解，可曾澄清？
凡事皆有苦衷，
无奈却没法解释，何人晓得。

物质充斥，果真享受？
表面一如往常，
内心之悲痛欲绝，无奈自忍。

ya lo sam, maybe i tink too much of gambling le lo.. lol bt as i said, i feel tat gambling helps mi forget all the unhappy tings ma...

anyway, the nj clerk called mi today asking mi y i drop sch n hw many days did i attend sch... lol.. super inefficient lo them... its been almost 2 mths le nw den they call mi... haha so funny, cos when tat person first called, i was in toilet, so my dad pick up the phone... den tat person ask my dad if he knows tat i haven been attending sch... sehz.. den my mum was like telling my dad y he never tell the clerk he dunno n y they onli called now, like near to 2 mths since i drop sch? haha... ya den she ask mi y i dun wan go, i told her maybe i wanna go poly.... lol...

den today early afternoon went out with my bro to turf city, n was feeling so sick tat i almost fainted.. lucky i sat down in time wor... else my bro wun know wat to do le.. so sorry to make him n my parents worry... ya den sorry wor sam cant go watch i do i do with ya... i came home onli i sleep le... haha... tink nx week u c which day u free den we go watch lo...

hmm... yest my relatives came... den i help my mum prepare food since morning lo... yupz... den 4th aunt is the banker for ban luck... lol lucky i never play wor, cos she so lucky... tink she won bout $300+ lo.. all the players lost...

had a nightmare last nite.. dreamt tat im the banker for 'ban luck'--blackjack, n i lost $100 in one round.. n i woke up after it.. den woke up at 9+ cant sleep le... den went queenstown with parents to repair the vcd player.... aftertat went toa payoh shop n hav lunch....

went home aftertat..... blog.... den receive a call from gh... bt she never say anyting.... duno wat happened, hope she'll be alrite... aftertat went swim.... always like to swim when am feeling down... actually i dun wan go swim de cos wana wait for gh reply... bt den tis morning already decided to go swim at evening.. so go ahead... swimmed 8 laps, tired, my bro fetch mi....

came home, eat dinner... den lau yu sheng... ya den fold kim zua.... nw veri sian.......

reached home after midnite juz now... den tok with my sis n parents till bout 3.. nw they went to sleep... suddenly feels tat tis yr de cny rather diff from previous years... haiz.... maybe its cos im avoiding? i'm avoiding cos i dunno hw to explain.. n i also dun wish to explain... bt haiz... tink its onli when everione is buzi gambling den will feel beta... duno y also... bt i tink its a fact tat it'll remain in my mind... perhapz time will fade it.. bt hw long will it take???? it's been so long.......

sianz.......

long time never blog le.. cos cny ma.. haha... bt tis year de cny abit boring.. haha maybe cos less gambling? lol.. yupz... maybe ‘小赌怡情’refers to tis ba.. lol.. ya so yest went esplanade watch Total Women--这一夜WOMEN说相声.. actually its nt xiang sheng la... juz tat i also dunno hw to say.. lol.. veri funny lo.. first time listen to 3 ppl toking for 2+ hours also nt boring cos realli veri entertaining... though sum parts quite sian.. haha bt overall still nice show... yupz...
later goin 5th aunt's hse.. yeah.. she goin to open chap tee kee.. haha..

new year's eve!

veri tired nw... tis mornign my dad fetch mi to bedok for breakfast, den go marine parade there pass sumting to my aunt.. aftertat go PA take 'Chingay' tix for my sis.. dunno tat the gate thru PA from nicoll highway is close... kaoz.. den hav to walk all the way out den take another bus to kallang there... ya den take the tix, ask the person gt any other exit, she say gt one side gate to mountbatten rd... kaoz... if i know den dun nd to take another bus n walk the long way le... haiz...

ya aftertat went cchms... meet sam n ali at concourse.. yx n hz nt goin back, gh cant go back.. haiz... den go find teachers.. tink mani teachers left le... cant find Mrs Kee.. den tink Mr Wu never go today... ya so pass the chocolates to Mustika lo.. den the pineapple tarts, haha at first i also dunno who to give de... bt den since mrs kee nt here, den huang lao shi already gt one box of it on her table, i never give to her... den mdm tan.. eh.. dun realli like her, n dun tink she likes mi too.. so dun wan give her... lol.. so give mr pek lo.. lol.. den he give mi 2 oranges as hui2 jin4... like beri sian, cos like nt much teachers de.. actually ok la, cos i dun wanna c too much teachers also... hate to do explainations... 'u feel bad bout nt tellin them the truth, bt yet u dun feel like telling them the truth.' tats hw i feel exactly... haiz... aftertat go canteen chat with ali n sam while waiting for my dad to fetch.. ya, den go fetch my bro n sis lo...

since come home den making preparations for tonite's reunion dinner le... yupz... gng to eat at evening den go river angbao..

last nite went chinatown with parents... nt as crowded as expected... mum bought sum flowers n dad bought 2 'bi qiu', the person said tat it;ll help to shou cai... yupz... den walk ard, wanna buy a bracelet bt cant find any nice ones.. bought rings instead.. lol...

at the pasar malam there, when dad was looking at the bidding items, i sat down wiht my mum n i was in a daze... thinking, den my mum asked mi wat am i tinking... dunno wat to say, cos i also dunno wat was i thinking actually.. my thoughts juz wandered about.. haha.. asking of hw shd i explain, sumone told mi to try change topic... haha... stupid rite? lol anyway, goin out soon, den tonite hav reunion dinner! slurps... haha aftertat tink will go river angbao ba, as usual.. haha.. den tomolo morning will go temple first before go my 2nd uncle's hse..

it'll be fun... hope tat it'll be.. i dun wish to do explainations always...

recalling.....

woke up bout an hour's ago... last nite help mum cut n cook the popiah fillings... every year onli help cut the ingredients, bt tis yr i help her cook also... den shun bian tou shi.. lol.. yupz.. den cook till 3am... cos we start cutting last nite 11+pm... ya den juz now woke up le eat.. so nice... tink my aunties gonna come n eat.. lol..

had sum dreams last nite.. veri sweet dreamz... bt regret nt reading tat letter in the dream... onli read the last half of it... bt its a realli nice feeling though cant realli recall wat the dream is about... felt much beta these 2 days, maybe cos i keep myself occupied with tings... n dun let my thoughts wandered about... bt sumhow, im still afraid... realli afraid tat tis year's cny will be diff from previous years... hope tat it wun... bt perhapz it'll be different in the way tat i've grown up through so much traumatic experience tat i had in the year of monkey? nw hoping tat the rooster yr will blessed mi with gd luck..

sumhow, tis seems like a chained reaction? everyting is sort of linked together... n tis will in turn affect my choices n my results...

yest veri busy never blog... went out early yest to orchard n bugis shop ard...

或许这就是所谓的“解铃还需系铃人”吧。但问题是，这铃，真的解了吗？在某些事件上，我们的观点是一致的。或者我该说，我们的许多想法都很相似。
这世界真的很奇妙，真是世事无绝对！让我悲痛欲绝的人是他，没想到现在想尽办法帮助我的却也是同一个人。

过几天就是春节了。除旧迎新，往年听到这句话，总只晓得表面意思－把旧的东西丢了再买新的。然而今年，我终于领悟这句话的真正含义。。。人生道路是坎坷的，也就是这些不如意的事让我们长大。

yest nite went marine parade n bedok buy nian huo.. every year i'll do so with my family n the feeling contains warmth, happiness n much more happiness... bt tis year de feeling seems so different.. i feel so lost.... ya,actually i shd be thankful n gladful tat i'm a able-bodied human who's still fortunate to hav a happy family... there's many tings tat i can do to help others... shd look forward, n nt keep looking back at the unhappy things... at least to mi, all these do help n they do make sense.. thx lots..

juz do watever u feel is good for u...

am thankful...

today went back cchms with sam... hmm.. woke up at 10 den go polyclinic c doctor cos i hurt my toe... haiz den hav to wait so long... ya aftertat meet sam at 2.20 at pasir ris mrt.... hmm... den quite fast wor, reach sch at bout 3 i tink... yupz den go find teachers......

wanna go find mrs kee first de, den meet yazeed along the stairs.. ya den he say lots of 'da dao li' lo.. or shall i say he's crapping? lol... yupz den go find mrs pereirra... ya she treated us to chocolates n sweets.. which she claim are leftovers.. haha... yupz den after tat we go find mrs kee lo.. bt so sad she went home le.. she say she gt sumting on... ya so too bad lo... another day den go visit her...

den wanna go find huang lao shi de, bt den use the intercom nobody ans... so tot she nt in... call her phone nt on... ya den sam meet her junior lo... den i go canteen see ccs de cny celebration.. they making 'jiao zi' so re nao in the canteen... realli proud of my juniors.. they made a great achievement n managed to get 17 sec 1 members!!! ya den can c tat all of them realli enjoy themselves alot tis afternoon... yupz den go his off... tink tok for quite long ba.... sorri to let sam wait so long... =p

aftertat went concourse find sam, along the way saw mdm tan walking towards canteen... told sam den we go find her..... ya den my juniors give mi eat some jiao zi.. n the xian liao of those i've eaten happens to be mixed by mr wu... so haha.. it tastes rather salty... bt still quite nice la... haha... yupz den they give mi the tic for the esplanade performance...

went off with sam to ecp then... wanna watch sunset de, bt when we reach there cant see the sun... so found a place to sit down n listen to the waves den go mac eat dinner... yupz force sam to eat de.. lol... after tat went home lo...

rather fun-filled day, bt if mrs kee was in sch, it wld hav been much beta... haha... den goin back on cny eve lo... btw, he agree with wat i've done n said tat he might hav done the same if he was in my shoes... haha n he says tat for most tings we cant hav the best of both, n tis kind of ting no choice, so juz do wat i tink i shd do.. lol

gng back to cchms tomolo... haiz.. these 2 days feeling so moody... maybe cos i tink too much le... bt... whenever i recall of tat day... it realli realli hurts...

bt im happy to say tat i've a family tat i luv veri veri much, n becos of tis, i nvr tell them my feelings cos i dun wanna worry them.... haiz... suan le, suan le....

wat shd i write? hav blogged alot today, bt nt here...
hope tat cny will bring away all the unhappiness of the past year.... bt can it realli?

hav a strange feeling since i woke up... haiz.. dunno why, den hav a mixture of feelings inside mi... suddenly feel sad, haiz..

sent out several emails, one of them replied asking mi to meet n tok... dun realli know y am i feelin like tis n doin tis... bt was happy tat at least one of them replied...

yest's post is my longest post of all.. haha... today wake up rather early also, went bedok for haircut... haha... nt much diff though, n the person who cut my hair for mi happens to be the 'hong pai' of the salon.. lol... sum funny things happen during the haircut lol...

yupz after tat went hougang de Sasa buy sum things... den walk ard abit lo... hmmz.. went home clean up den sleep at 4 plus till 8+ haha... nw wake up check mail, do sum stuff... n looking for more info on CHS... tink most prob i'll end up in np ba... hahaa.. bt den goin there veri difficult to get into uni leh... if never go uni den will be chi teacher onli... nt much future.. lol... bt heard tat when teaching can also go take degree de... haiz.. bt dunno also... bt my zhi jue tell mi tat go CHS will hav a beta future than goin JC... dunno y gt tis strange feelign... lol....

den nw tinking of where to go on sun... yx wanna go queensway to buy trackshoes... bt there nth much to walk de.. aftertat dunno wanna go where....

sam cheer up kz?

ya quite long never blog le... coming here to blog 4 sam:

most ppl say go jc is beta route la, bt its nt true for all lo, cos nt everyone is acadamically-inclined... perhaps u'll excel beta if u go for sumting u realli like... bt den its realli diff to make a choice of courses now cos maybe we're nt matured yet... bt for nw, if u realli wanna go poly, choose the one u luv most... at least u like it nw n hope u wun regret it cos its ur own choice... if its ur dream to get into a jc, den juz go for it, as long as u hav the determination u can make it,... bt juz dun make life difficult for urself... u shd know wats best for urself.. i mean, if u wanna go jc, muz hav the confidence to get into uni, else the 'a' level cert is nth compared to a diploma... im nt saying tis to scare u, bt juz to let u know... u'r in the first 3 mths nw, u shd know the standard of jc, so hope u'r able to make a beta judgement...
as for ur co, maybe its gd tat u wanna quit den u concentrate more on ur tkd? hmm... juz take it easy though i know its hard... n nw first 3 mths onli, juz take as a chance for u to learn more tings n make more frens... dun give ur self too much pressure k? dun worry, u still hav time... though maybe nt alot, bt tis kind of tings muz consider carefully de...
切记，欲速则不达。千万不要操之过急，一定要冷静地想清楚。选择在于你，无论你的抉择是什么，只要你认为是你想要的，就相信你自己。向他人请教，固然能使你有多方面的收获，也能让你从不同的角度看待事物，但是最终，要走这条路的人，是你。所谓“条条大路通罗马”初院生并不一定就比理工学院生来得好。
或许我的观点太过偏激，但希望你能想清楚。
try to take everyting easy n u wun feel so stressed up... no matter wat's ur choice, u muz hav confidence with ur own decision....
________________________________________________________

for myself, though nt realli confirmed yt. n as expected most ppl advise mi to go jc.. bt hope i know wats best for myself.. waiting for NIE to reply my enquiry now... den tink will make a choice after release of results...
well.. these few days rather buzi with cleaning stuff... helping my mum to clean the hse, quite lots of tings to do.. tat day dad juz re-paint the hse so hafta help shift things... ya den put up all the cny decos.. so nice.. haha... yupz... for nw, tink i dun wan to tink too much bout goin jc or poly, cos it onli makes mi feel more troubled... toking bout tis, sumhw juz feel tat sumting isnt rite... dunno why... dun wish to tok bout it le... going to throw all the unhappiness away with the old yr to welcome the new year... nw juz wanna endulge myself into the atmosphere of cny.. haha....
anyway sam, tink we'll be goin out on sun instead of tomolo... u free to come along? time n place nt realli confirm yt will tell u asap... dun worri so much le, sumtimes, shun qi zi ran is the way of life...

realised tat i didn like the new layout... lol.. yupz today went to np open hse... was rather disappointing... haiz... tot the CHS tok will be providing info on the course of study n info of the course bt it was nt... it's merely there to persuade us to take teaching as a career... kaoz... den go the booth also cant get a brochure on the course... sehz... cannot make it de.... haiz... dun realli know if i wan to be a teacher lo, cos dun tink hav the passion to teach... i luv chi n tats a fact, bt teaching is a diff thing.. .n it seems tat the CHS is onli catering for those interested in pursuing a teaching career...

ya den aftertat went chinatown with parents... den sis n bear join us later... ya walk ard n dad bought lots of new year ornaments.. quite a crowd there.. haha... den kor buying a kangoo soon... haha so nice.. yupz... haiz nw still deciding whether to go jc or poly...

yest:
woke up den watch xiao xin with my sis while eating nasi lemak from bedok.. slurps.. haha.. den go compass point buy the shirt... haha.. walk walk ard saw the casio watch again.. lol... anyway, asked sam to help mi buy the bank notes album if she gt go popular cos she gt 10% discount lol...
go home clean windows n cd cabinet... den in the nite went amk with parents... hav dinner n shop ard... sam called n tok bout goin to poly's open hse.. bt she gt lessons till so late... dun wan to pon haha... so she can onli go on sat lo... nvm la will help u record the CHS de tok de kz? haha..

ya den bout today... hmmm nth much cos juz woke up 1 hr ago.. lol.. woke up eat sum biscuits den blooging here le... yupz...

today woke up at 1+... actually wanna go compass with my sis de, bt later she say wan stay at home sing ktv... haha so stay home lo... yupz... den sing till 4+ bear come fetch us... sent my mum n mi to chinatown den my sis n him go suntec... super crowded at chinatown sia... lol... ya... reach there at ard 6... den shop awhile till bout 6.45 den go outside there... though lots of ppl, still manage to find a place where can see the firecrackers... haha... tis yr one quite long wor, tink more than 2 mins? haha... den took sum photos.. aftertat walk over to the other side... the nian huo shi chang there... alot of ppl sia... wanted to find sumting to eat bt so many ppl so went over to maxwell market... haha... yupz.. eat le walk ard den come home le... haha

A longer personality test tat i juz took...
introverted, secretive, reclusive, tough, non social, observer, fearless, solitary, libertarian, detached, outsider, abides the rules, mind over heart, good at saving money, does not like to stand out, does not make friends easily, self sufficient, not aggressive, likes the unknown, unconcerned with external opinion, strong, abstract, independent, very intellectual, analytical, high self control

Personality test:
clean, secretive, does not make friends easily, observer, hates large parties, risk averse, perfectionist, reclusive, solitude loving, more practical than abstract, does not like to stand out, high self control, intellectual, mind over heart, very cautious, takes precautions, respects authority, irritable, emotionally sensitive

juz woke up hahah... yest nite mi sis came home complaining tat she regret goin cineleisure eat buffet with frens.. cos she went gym 2 times tis week le... den eat once buffet all the efforts went down to drain haha.. hmm.. later goin out to sgh help dad collect medicine, den bring my mum to clarke quay there de coffee hse... haha.. dunno if i still know the way there so long never go le.... lol...
yeah, chinese new year coming le... so happy... haha... my favourite festival of the year.. haha... luv the re nao qi fen...

packing day

as usual today woke up at bout 2... den mama not in... so i cooked hotdog & cheese omelet for myself.. *yummy.. haha wanted to go rivervale mall eat long john's one bt if i go le den reach home at evening liaoz no nd pack my ro0m... haha... so eat the omelet den start packing my room... so happy cos as i juz started packing, i found something precious tat i tot i've lost in my wardrobe... haha such a surprise... ya den pack until my parents n my bro back they bought mi chicken rice from fj square... so take a rest n eat lo.. den watch 'wo ai zhong wu yan' for a while... a veri boliaoz show... i watched onli becos i like gallen lo... haha...

after tat went to ang mo kio with my mum n bro.... bought quite lots of tings... haha gt a new bolster n pillow... lol... ya den helen helped mi bank in the polar de pay le... though nt alot bt still goin to treat my mum to a dinner tomolo.. haha... yupz...

read gh's blog, dun realli know wat happened to her, bt juz hope tat she'll be alrite soon, n gh, wannna tell u tat no matter wat happens, u can count on mi to be there for u kz? frenz always...

few days never blog le... hmm... went jb yest... ya again.. lol.. bought RM60+ de keychains... some is my bro ask mi buy some my sis ask mi buy... haha.. i onli buy 3 lo.. sehz... den buy lots of foood there.. yummy yummy... bought a oreo chees n marble cheese back for my sis...
den yy ask mi go sch today for photo takin for tai yang yu... dun wan to go at first cos i din realli help much... haha bt after much persuading by him, decided to go... asked sam along tooo... bt too bad, received a call at the last min to ask mi go for job interview so cant go sch... sadz... turn out tat they prefer actual 'o' level holders... sehz...
dun realli hav much to blog... dun wan to blog much too.. anyway, hope tat tai yang yu 2005 can be successfully published... also hope tat tai yang yu can be published every year though its onli a 'wish'....

yupz, am so happy to know tat gt 2 sec 1 members r joining ccs while 4 others r considering... hope tat will be able to hav all 6 as sec one members... ;)

today.. juz went st joseph convent in the afternoon... den go home, use com n slack ard awhile, den go kovan meet my sis n her frens go serangoon sec... nt serangoon sec anymore, i mean its a vacant sch nw used to keep the foods n clothing tat will be sent to tsunami affected areas... ya went to sort n pack some clothes... rather fun, alot of ppl there... can see tat most of the ppl r like having fun? haha i mean its a meaningful act ma... lol..

anyway, thx sam n celia for commenting... yupz n also for their support... tink i'll be alrite soon.. bt juz tat even if u get over sumting, whenever u tink bout it u'll still feel sad de rite? dunno wor... hope its juz normal.. haha.. anyway, looking forward to np open hse on 19th...

sumting with a great impact will sure stay in our memory till the day we passed on....

......

well.. chose nt to go back to nj... its my own choice, bt whenever ppl ask, i dunno hw to ans... i dunno wat reason to give... realli... haiz... so i shall juz say bout the heavy traffic congestion there every morning... haha... its a valid reason though, n its also part of my reason for nt going, bt nt the main one... well... its so saddening tat i dun wish to tok bout it...
it juz seemz tat everybody is asking mi hw's jc life... well... i shd've try to experience... bt haiz... maybe i shdn't go on the first day at all... lol...
ya i muz be firm on my stand... its my own choice.. n as long as i believe its rite, i do wat i believe in... yupz... everyone has their own reasons for doin sth... n i dun owe an explanation to everyone rite? anyway, juz hope tat everyting will be alrite though i believe it'll be hard... it's realli hard... haiz..................

today woke up at 11... wanted to go cca orientation de, bt sleep till so late... haha... den went hougang shop awhile den take bus to bedok lo... wanted to buy the pair of shoes one, bt so sad, no more stock le... shd buy it the other day... =(
haiz... so useless of mi, didn manage to collect any essays from the prcs.... they juz dun reply my sms n dun pick up my phone... sehz... becos of this, my five juniors had to write essays on the spot to make up for the essays tat i din manage to collect... am so apologetic, bt wat can i do when the teacher juz wan to do so? from the smses he sent, can see tat they're bu shuang tat they have to write on the spot lo.. i mean, its realli quite unreasonable lo... haiz... bt too bad la, i cant help them.... blame it on my poor relationship with the prcs lo... tat they dun care bout mi at all... sadz... haiz... bt cant blame them also la... i caused them trouble also.. haiz...

realli regret tat i never go back to help out at the orientation, maybe cos i dunno hw to explain to the teachers tat im nt goin back to nj? hahah... i mean sumtimes, nt everything can be said to everyone rite?

anyway, had a long chat with a fren juz nw.. actually nt realli long la, juz tat started smsing in afternoon lo, den gt chat on msn also... wanted to tell the truth one.... bt still hold back, still dun hav the courage...

anyway, juz realised tat sumtimes u'll feell veri comfortable when toking to sumone bt nt others... ya... thinking of it, feel realli comfortable when toking tot tat person (nt tat fren mentioned in last para)... haha... the status is so much apart, bt juz no barrier... haha...

well, tink bout alot of tings today... lots of things has happened in the past yr... realised tat my bonds with my frens had strenghten, n we r more close... bt tings tat happened also made us apart in sum ways... haiz... to sum up, tis is wat i feel of myself these few mths : 这些日子来，我并没有看透，也不曾想通。我不过是在逃避，并且尽量不让自己回忆罢了。。。

内心的城堡

外表的堂皇艳丽
引来了贪目虚荣者
招不徕忠坚职守的堡主

矗立不倒的城堡
看似坚强
其实不堪一击
大大的铁门深深上锁着
无人得以入侵
钥匙就埋在土里
待主人挖掘
平凡的土壤
引不起任何猜疑

幽深的城堡
夜里静得可怕
传说是孤魂野鬼的栖身处
令人惶恐不安

城堡内的世界
那凄凉景象
那悲惨凄清的画面
无人得以见识
无人得以了解
唯一堡主的痛苦

wrote tis during last few days of sch last yr... showed yx be4.. bt made sum amendments... haiz...

Happy New Year!

happy new yr! its been one wk since i last blog... dun tink its a happy yr for most of yr due to the tsunami disaster... haiz..
anyway, attended 1 day of orientation at Nj... its realli fun n i realli enjoyed it... bt i still didn go back... haiz... its sort of i've gt no other choices.... suan le... anyway, glad to know tat most of my frens are happy with their sch's orientation n they enjoyed it veri much.. i mean, which teenager wun be happy to be able to hav great deal of fun?
ya, so stayed at home n enjoy my freedom these few days... can do anyting i wan... tats the advantage... haha.. bt muz admit tat mass dance n cheering of orientation is realli fun... hmmz... den the admisssion criteria for DICS is out... tink shd be able to get in... bt tinking whether is theree realli a future for mi to go? so waiting for the open hse on 19th...
19th jan is a great day... been waiting for it for the past 6 mths... bt it doesnt realli make much diff to mi nw... all the tings tat has happened had happened n they'll be in my memory... nth can change it le rite? well, shall enjoy my freedom nw... haha... bt ppl r preparing for the campfire nw... *envies* lol...