Willingness to give in does not necessary mean that everything will turn out fine...
Speaking the truth sometimes will hurt others or cause unnecessary problems...
Making a promise gives rise to a chance of not fulfilling it...

having mixed feelings of receiving the interview letter from MOE... does that mean that i wun be getting into my first few choices?

Saddening... Its true that people do change... Its really hard for Mr A who knows Ms B for 6/7 years to know that she had changed so much within the past 10 months.. For me who knows Ms B for a much longer time, its even more unbelievable.. Just within the 30-min wait for my dad at the bustop, so many things actually happened.. No wonder people say that technology can be a killing tool... Although the aftermath of this incident might benefit me somehow, but I really don't wish to see Mr A and Ms B's relationship being strained...

Hopefully its just that I'm thinking too much...

Friday went alot of places.. Go 5th aunt place to return luggage first, then bro sent me and mum to ICA to update my passport photo, cos the immigration officers always stared at me and my passport photo which was taken in 2001 when my hair is very short, so I better go and change else next time they don't allow me to depart.. lol.. after that went bugis to get xr's present, which I also like it, so asked wy to help me get one also.. then went sgh for blood test before going home.. I tried cooking mushroom soup with minced pork and it tastes quite ok except that its not very sweet.. next time shall try adding fish to taste.. bear came and do some maintainence on our pc.. long time since he came our house, and its abit weird, cos his relationship with my sis now is rather complicated..

tuition for Bronson on sat morn and today morn as his oral is on weds.. hopefully he'll be able to pass.. went suki buffet dinner with guihao, yuxuan, peiwen and of cos the bday gal-xinrou(in advance).. ate quite alot of food esp those sashimi so should be quite worth the price lol.. walked with yx to her house then took bus home.. walking can be quite fun, but only at night and not under the hot sun.. haha..


Will people ever be contented? Perhaps its difficult for one to be contented, be it becos of the temptations in life or human nature of being greedy.. one always has alot of wants and desires and when these are achieved, there'll be more to come.. Perhaps we can see them as motivations to keep us going....

Am back!! Not used to the hot weather... haha..
wanted to upload photos, but realised that we took more than 1000 photos lol so will only post a few that i like most..


taken on the great wall! really magnificent, and also 感触良多upon thinking that so many lives are lost just to build this great wonder..



this last two pics are taken at 避暑山庄at承德 which is the place that i liked most.. it has a very large lake, and also it is very cold as it just very near to 内蒙古...









realli enjoyed the trip, and bought quite alot of stuff.. we had a total of 15 pieces of luggage(both checked-in and hand-carry) on our way back.. haha.. however the first 2 days are rather upsetting as we met some 毫无良心的奸商试图欺诈... Cant blame the tour guide though, its part of their job also.. but ppl, just be careful if you're planning to go on a private guided tour... dun ever buy anything that the guide bring you too, chances are the prices are very high and the tour guide is getting commission from from what you bought..
luckily these incidents did not spoil our mood for the trip and we enjoyed ourselves through the remaining days...

Am in Beijing now!!! My sis brought her laptop & our hotel actually got free broadband!!
went to alot of places in the past few days, like forbidden city, tian an men, great wall, summer palace, bi shu shan zhuang in Chengde and juz came back from tianjin today... the hotel in beijing not very good as compared to the one in chengde.. but not bad though.. haha the nx few days will be free & easy... will be goin to tian tan and zoo!!
the weather here is very nice ard 13 degrees in the day, though its sunny but its very cooling... ppl in chengde is very very frenly as compared to ppl in beijing.. haha..
took alot of photos... will upload when i got home.. ^_^

清明时节雨纷纷, but today's weather is rather hot.. maybe it'll rain later in the day...
when i was young, i always feel uneasy about my birthday falling on 清明节, but now im glad that my birthday falls on this day of great significance (and my mum will cook lots of nice food also =p).. but anyway, my family don't usually celebrate my birthday with me on this day, they normally celebrate for me on my lunar birthday... for this year, it so happens that my lunar bday is just tomorrow! especially this yr my mum say that better dun have any celebration today cos my great-grand mother's tomb is slightly damaged due to a falling tree i supposed, and they're supposed to be repairing it today, but in the end they're not goin to repair cos of the shortage of supply of sand -.-
anyway, thx sam, angel, lihao, nicholas, guihao, xinrou, khangjing, christine and more for ur bday greetings.. am glad to have these frens around me.. of cos not forgetting my family!!!
so that means i'll be travelling on my bday! wheeee~~

Monday was tuition day + wanying's house + gym... also went rivervale mall to get some stuff...

Yesterday night went out with gh, angel, yx, sam and xr.. thx gals for the advance bday celebration with me, and also the perfume like it lots... had dinner at ichiban sushi, hmmz the outlet at ps is better than the outlet at hougang mall... den we walked all the way to heeren juz to take neoprints, but xr dun wan to take...

it seems that heeren is quite a lucky place for me? always had good encounters or rather 'encounters' thru sms when im at heeren.. haha..

tuition + gym + driving today and it all sums up to fun fun and more fun lol... checked in at sia online and printed boarding passes.. yeah~~ so happy~~first time taking a plane... am so excited n looking forward to all the sight-seeing.. ^_^

TIRED.... *yawnz*
slept at 2am this morning and woke up at 5am.. cos going 扫墓。

Went to watch 纪念已故相声大师马季的相声表演with wanying at Downtown East yesterday.. It was a real nice performance, great laughter, great company :)
After coming back from limchukang today, had a new tuition, he stay juz near my blk.. as they are a english-speaking family, his chinese is really below average.. hopefully i'll be able to help.. haha.. wanted to come home and sleep after that, but kor & mum say they want to go fifth aunt house to get luggage and go parkway to change currencies..
okies, i must go and sleep now, cos tomorrow got tuition again. haha..

只想过着和常人一样的生活，看似简单，却是那么地困难。。。
常常是有苦难言，但总有人无中生有，把自己说得楚楚可怜，博取他人同情。或许应该说，有些人太过自我，总觉得自己的一点事情是天下人所需怜悯，我实在看不惯。不去听，不去看，就应该不会起冲突吧。好希望能够再和他聊天，只可惜，“豪梦难圆”。

最近迷上了《翡翠恋曲》，感觉言哥和希儿的恋情蛮令人感动的。

went settler's cafe with lib excos the other day, and it was really fun! all the board games are those that we never seen or heard of before.. liked the doctor lucky game, cos its kind of like cluedo, and i like this kind of thinking games... went loyang with mum after that..
yesterday finally came, as it was my driving lesson.. haha improve abit ba... nt as kanchiong as the last time... and i got 2 more doraemon magnets! exchanging 3 more and they're on their way now on mail to me now.. haha im crazy bout doraemon stuff... hoping to get more doraemon stuff on my trips to china n taipei.. haha...

喜欢与崇拜

崇拜一个人可以变成喜欢，但喜欢一个人却不可能变为崇拜他。曾几何时，对我深具影响力，令我十分崇拜与敬仰的人，已不在我身旁指点。或许应该说，他似乎不曾在我身旁指点过我，但他却曾教过我许多令我毕生难忘的人生哲理。也许是因为它在我彷徨是伸出援手，令我极为感动吧。
喜欢又是什么呢？小丁当？也许，只要是你见了就开心得人或事物，就叫做喜欢吧。

星期二是二月初二，大伯公诞。和妈妈和四姨妈到洛阳大伯公庙去，可真是人山人海啊。我曾说过我认为那里应该是新加坡香火最鼎盛的庙宇。总觉得那里的环境很好，可能是风水吧，每次到那里都绝的很舒畅。只可惜，庙宇将在六月二十二搬迁到洛阳大路去。

Went to gym with Wanying this morning, before going to watch Mr Bean at Princess... A very hilarious show, typical of Mr Bean's show... went honghua to look at the watches with her, before deciding to go bugis as it'll be much cheaper there.. was feeling sick so upon reaching bugis, got to foodcourt and she helped me buy a cup of hot milo.. thanks gal for taking care of me, else I might have fainted =p and sorry for not being able to accompany you to get the watch..
Looking forward to the outing with lib exco tomorrow, hopefully i'll be fine after a rest later..

Many deadlines are due this week, alot of things to settle here and there, hope i din missed out anything important...

Sunday:
went Hougang swimming before meeting sis, nick & jiaxin for dinner.. had decided on eating suki sushi beforehand, but they suddenly said that they are not hungry for buffet.. sadz... was actually looking forward to it haha.. so had dinner at ichiban sushi at hougang mall instead.. food was ok and filling, but of cos i'd prefer to eat at suki since the price amounts up to about the same as eating the buffet.. hmmz.. took neoprints afterthat and walk around awhile at hougang mall before going home, and got another 2 magnets from 7-11 =)






Monday:
a full day of events as usual, since monday is always my busiest day.. tuition in the morning, then went to white sands.. thought that the kopitiam is at level 4 and still under renovation, but actually it has already start its operation at level 3 *pengz* and I din realised it until i sms him haha.. so i rotted for 2 hours plus in the library reading books on sle n recipes n magazines lol.. had driving afterthat, and i drove to ubi! the traffic at ubi really heavy and alot of ppl learning driving there too.. now i understand why my papa always scold and complain about taxi drivers, cos they keep honking and uncle lee also said that most but not all taxi drivers are very irritating.. went back to tampines for tuition after that, and then went to gym at night.. sis actually asked me to go Zan's house to join her for dinner, in the end she got a scolding from my mum saying that she never ever cook for her(my mum) in her entire life and now she's cooking for Zan and his mum.. lol.. so my sis had to cook for us this thurs, wonder if it'll be edible.. haha..

Well.. Am supposed to meet up with lib excos today, but had to go sgh to get some reports, so missed the outing with them =(

Sometimes I really wonder, just what is the meaning of life. As I read in The Five People You Meet In Heaven, our life on earth is only just a beginning... People whom cross our path sometime in our life might be greatly affected by us, or we might be greatly affected by them without realising.. It seems very amazing, that a same incident will have different impacts on different people.. Why did I think of all these? It was because I start to wonder about whats the most important thing in life -- Health? Money? Happiness? Kinship? Love? I guess it's a difficult question that nobody has the answer for.. All these seems to be inter-connected, 全都是缺一不可的。Perhaps the most important thing is that no matter how bad/good a situation we are in, we should always remain positive, and cherish what we have now..

Had Mac breakfast with mum at Compass point yesterday... it's been a long time since i had mac breakfast, its really nice =)
Went to bugis with yx in the evening... it was some festival yesterday so the guan yin miao at si ma lu is really crowded.. had to queue to get in.. hmm.. shopped at bugis street, but din buy anything cos din see anything i like... only got a kiwi mask from missha... but it was great shopping trip for yx cos she got quite alot of stuff..

Had tuna with bread for my lunch today, want to finish eating the loaf of bread soon so that i can buy another one and get my doraemon magnet! went to gym with oer after tat, and am really tired after workout.. but feel very refreshed, so i really enjoy it! Read The Five People You Meet in Heaven on the way to outram, and it was rather inspiring, as in some of the quotes are really thoughts-provoking....

But after I went to sgh and doc lui advise me not to take civil engineering, all my happiness turns into sadness... I must say that I felt really sad after hearing what he said..... although i might not necessary get into it, but upon hearing what he said, i really feel very depressed............ of cos i knew what he meant, prevention is always better than cure..and i also don't want what that had happened last nov to happen again... its not just about physical pain, its more on psychological... on me, my family and friends... i am really at a lost now... really sad...

Went to gym again yesterday, with doris n oer, too bad wanying cant make it as she needs to pack her stuff. Then had lunch with them at Century Square before going home.
Anyway, am collecting the doraemon magnets from 7-11, so if anybody has it and don't mind giving me, thx in advance.. haha..

Realised alot of things for the past few months, like who are the ones who really care, who are the ones who understands me, who are the ones who are sincere.. I saved all the text msg i received from those who sent their regards to me then, as I want to always remember and bear in mind those who really care.. Anyway, it really taught me something -- kinship is strongest and certain ordeal will tie us closer together...

Why does it seems like not many ppl are supportive of me going into civil engineering? Although I'm not the type of people who will be greatly affected by what others' opinions are, but its always better to hear that people are supporting you. =p It may be a difficult course, but just too bad that my interest lies there.. Actually, coming to think of it, just 2 years ago I'd thought that I would definately be a Chinese teacher next time, but now, I think my interest lies more in Physics. Perhaps it is that person of great influence that made me have this great change? I hope this is really what I like, and what I'm good at. Afterall, I believe that aptitude is much more important than attitude.. Perhaps I don't have both.. Anyway, a few months ago just as I was deciding between engineering and chinese studies, I told myself that it'll depend on my grades, if my Physics is better than my Chinese, then I shall take engineering course, and vice versa, cos I think my 'a's are really really a test of my aptitude, as not much time were spent studying. Since it proves that my Physics is better than Chinese, be it by luck or my real 'talent', I shall go the engineering path..

Went to ntu & nus open house today, very crowded but not very useful, but anyway i've already decided on the courses to apply for, so just went for fun. after open house, went home first before going Ryan's birthday party. Had dinner there and they played blackjack again lol...

Is gambling really bad? I think that its not necessary so, it depends largely on a person's character, and who you are gambling with. Personally, I think that as long as you're not gambling with large amount of money, occasional gamble(with family/relatives) can improve one intellectually, and also forge bonds. BUT of course, all who are playing should have a 'its just a game' mindset. 正如同为人处事，都不应该把得与失看得太重。凡事有失必有得，钱输了可以再赚，但亲情如果丢失了，就再也寻不回了。懂得适可而止，那就能做到小赌怡情了。

have got nothing much to blog about, except for some questions from somebody which for some reason i also don't have the answers. i really have no idea how to answer that fren when that question is asked, so i just replied something which makes no sense to 敷衍，可是我自己却很想知道答案。
向别人交待可以很简单，也可以很复杂，但对自己交待，绝对是复杂的。
两点之间最短的距离并不一定是直线。
偶尔思考，应该是有益的吧。

driving

tuition for Bryen in the morning, and he was mischievious as usual, bothering me about the number of stickers that he had.. went to white sands after that, food court still under renovation, so had to settle my lunch with mac, sadz.. buried myself in books in library, and 2 hours passed by very quickly.. and then it was my driving lesson! have been looking forward to it since last week, (and im now looking forward to next week's lesson lol ^_^) more clutch today, and went up to gear four.. traveling on the old tampines road is rather scary, cos the cars and big lorries there are all traveling at high speeds, and i bet they must be swearing that they met this learner driver in front of them, lol. he let me drive all the way to my tuition venue, and it was really fun!! had tuition for bryen's sis and cousin, and they were much more obedient than bryen, perhaps becos they are older.. had dinner at tampines after tuition before going home..

bro is going to buy new car! haha toyota altis, so cool, hopefully i'll be able to pass my tpp soon then i can drive his car.. =p

元宵节快乐！

小王子：“泪水渗透的悲哀之乡，是变幻莫测的。”
幸好，我不曾属于这悲哀之乡……因为我懂得什么叫做极限。
我不曾在昨天留下遗憾，因为我充实地过每个‘今天’，并且对明天充满希望。

A Levels

Collected A level results yesterday.. Physics-B, Higher Chinese-C, Maths-D, GP-C6.. Its not impressive, I know. But this is exactly what I expected, so I'm contented, really. Though it still doesn't feel good to hear those people who got much better results yet am complaining. But its ok after awhile, because I know everyone has their own expectations, and for me, this result is really an achievement and I can't ask for more.

I wanted very much to thank Nicholas for being so understanding, and also my relatives for expressing their concerns. It is heartwarming to know that there are still people around who really put themselves in my shoes and give me truthful comments. But unfortunately, not everyone is as understanding.

Anyway, I'm really really very happy to get B for my Physics, and am glad that it is my best subject, so at least I've not let Mr Chan down because he gave me lots of encouragement last Nov. Now, I just hope that I'll be able to get into Civil Engineering at NUS or Maritime Studies in NTU.

昨天，今天和明天

昨天已成为过去，今天是现在所有的，而明天是无法预测的未来。
有人说我们不应该活在过去，应该展望将来。但我认为，人应该不时替换身份，活在昨天，今天和明天，因为昨天能让我们吸取经验，学习更好的生活方式。今天是现实的一面，而明天却是虚幻的，但虚幻之中又含有希望的部分。。。

Sunday was 初八 so was preparing stuff to 拜天公...
Relatives came our house on Monday, and it was so crowded.. It was fun preparing the food with Mum since afternoon after my tuition.. and my relatives said that the 宫保鸡丁that I cooked was nice.. haha.. had some games of dice and blackjack and poker as usual.. and my cousin-in-law is so lucky as a banker for blackjack.. he won more than 1K at my aunty's house on Sat and at our house he also won a few hundred... anyway, my relatives are amazed by my huge collection of doraemon haha am so happy..

Tuesday was my first driving lesson! though abit nervous at first, but after awhile it get alrite and it was rather fun.. haha.. looking forward to the next lesson!

went to watch Just Follow Law with Sam yesterday at tm... very funny show though we din get to finish watching cos there was a blackout at GV -_- so we got a refund which means we got to watch more than 3/4 of the show for free... lol.. then we took neoprints..

Chinese New Year

初一：
third uncle & family visited us in the afternoon, this year with a baby -- Xavier 胜凯。He's so cute, only 2+ months old but already knows how to recognise people and he seems to be very happy.. haha.. anyway, went to sengkang 崇义宫to pray first then go to 二舅house. As usual, we were the last to reach.. haha.. didn't do anything much except gambling lol.. 五姨妈open chap tee kee for awhile before dinner, then we play poker after dinner.. hmm.. went to the fitness corner near their house, and chatted with sis and Guanquan, discussing about uni life and i asked him more about engineering courses.. and ya, of cos he say that nus is better that ntu.. but perhaps its not up to me to choose which uni to go... took some photos with his new phone also... went off rather early this year, maybe becos no more chap tee kee? haha..

初二：
went to 五姨妈house to 捞鱼生then go to third uncle's place.. travelled from pasir ris all the way to boon lay.. my bro was complaining about wasting his petrol lol cos we went back to pasir ris again from boon lay to go 四姨妈house.. as usual, played poker and chap tee kee until late nite.. sis asked me to join her for mahjong at home, but was too tired as i have to wake up early next morning...

初三：
woke up early in the morning at 8am, to go shurong's house with lib exco... thanks gal for the pizza treat.. played some card games, and bomber man on her playstation.. left at 12+ to go for 13/05 class gathering.. met at simei and only a few girls turn up.. anyway, really have to thank ben ow for organising and being a good host.. played blackjack with them and won a little and they said its due to my red hair? lol... went to 三舅house after that for dinner and poker again.. haha..

初四：
slept alot alot to compensate for my lost of sleep the past few days.. lol.. went to 三姨妈house in the evening for dinner and saw Lifang cousin's baby--Joshua.. he's 6+ months old and also very cute and active... and it was poker time again after dinner.. haha it seems that everywhere i go also gamble.. lol that's our family.. 正所谓小赌怡情.. but its not that small for the banker..

初五：
tuition in the morning.. then played 四色牌with parents and kor in the afternoon.. finally a day at home.. some relatives visited us though.. so it was still a rather fun-filled day..

today:
juz woke up, will be going to 二姨妈house later, guess will be playing poker again..

had alot of dreams these few days.. im always very curious and puzzled about the origins and interpretations of dreams.. wondered if they really do have any meanings.. it seems that no matter how advanced science and technology is, there's no way to decode dreams and no one will be able to give an explaination for having dreams.. 日有所思，夜有所梦。but sometimes, our dreams are really fantasies, so how can they be what we're thinking in the day?

新年快乐！

新春快乐!恭祝大家过个大肥年！
昨晚是除夕夜，和家人在家享用团圆饭后便前往滨海的春到河畔迎新春。这是我们每年的惯例，一定会在团圆饭后到那儿去，并在开年前回家迎新年。那里真的是人山人海，新春气息洋溢四周。以下是一些照片：


我和哥

和哥+姐在地铁

全家福

我和龙大哥

和妈妈和姐姐

Death Penalty

这世界应该有死刑吗？我认为，所谓的杀人偿命，血债血还根本是不可理喻的。既然大家都知道杀人是错的，那为何还要将那杀人犯置之死的呢? 丧失亲人的滋味不好受，那为什么还要让那杀人犯的亲人也承受那种痛苦呢？我们应该做的，是给予他帮助与辅导，让他有个重获新生的机会。
我相信人性本善。人之所以会犯错肯定是受到某事件的影响或刺激，才会萌生恶念。
又是谁给予总统杀人的“权力”？他们不也是个普通人？为何他们就能拥有剥夺他人性命的特权？

did not go for NTU talks on Sun cos sis had rashes so had to help her tuition at The Mentor... missed the talk Maritime Studies and Civil Engineering.. sadz.. but nvm, guessed there'll be another chance after release of results..
anyway, received a call from Sandy saying that she wants me to help her 2 elder children tuition also! haha so happy.. okies, though not earning as much as wanying, but my 20+ hours per mth can get me some half k.. haha.. my earnings will increase if sis ask me to help her go tuition, and if i got a few relief teaching jobs..
going out for dinner with guihao and xinrou later at tampines.. then will be back home to prepare ingredients for popiah!

went Chinatown with sihui and raf on thurs, and it was really crowded even though its a weekday.. had dinner at BK before we shopped the streets.. bought some goodies and muah chee.. had a great time catching up with them, and we might be going back for june camp! yupz that will be very fun..
went JB with mum yesterday.. did abit of shopping and i finally got a shirt to match my skirt! tried the shihlin xxl chicken chop there and its only rm5.50.. rather big portion.. had a nice trip with quite alot of stuff purchased before heading home.. but im so unlucky that i felt dizzy upon reaching home.. sadz.. then vomitted after dinner.. luckily after some self-medication and sleep, im fine now! haha..
and yupz, did i mention that i went meridian pri for relief teaching on monday.. though its only a 1 day job, but it was a nice experience.. even though the kids are abit noisy and i cant really control them lol..
going to buy 年货tonight! am so excited.. have been packing my room in preparation for cny and i shall put up my decorations either later or tomorrow.. oh ya, sis is back from thailand! but haven't seen her yet, so waiting for her to come home tonight.. ya im more looking forward to the presents she got for us =p
off to read my national geographic..

如果

曾经写过一篇作品-“如果”。在那篇作品的结尾，我说不想再说如果了。可是如今，我又幻想了很多很多的如果。。。
如果当初我没有入院，如果我在学校考试，如果我有精力与时间准备，如果我和正常人一样，如果这一切的如果能实现，那该有多好？或许事情没我想象的那么糟。。。旁人对我的期望越高，我就越担心。我担心会辜负了他们对我的殷切期望。确实，我已尽力了，但毕竟当时不是我的最佳状态。
两年前也在会考前经历一件令我心情低落的事件。可是在某人的劝导下，我了解到每件事情的发生都有值得我们学习的地方，而我也渐渐地重拾心情，慢慢地学会忘记。可是为何上天就是如此的不公平？为何要选择在那关键时刻？我从来就不是个怨天尤人的人，可这回我不得不叹说“不公平！”
家人与亲戚都说健康重要，学业次要。我当然晓得，但是我真的不敢想象如果我今年底还需重考。也许我显得很潇洒，说最多就重考，那是因为我曾以为那是不可能发生的事。但现在想想，几率还蛮高的。我不是在意旁人怎么说，我只是觉得很可惜。。。

about me

okies.. being tagged by sam to do this... haha...

Layer ONE: On the Outside
Name: Seah Hui Xin
Birth date: 05/04/1988
Current status: 18, single
Eye colour: Black
Hair colour: Red magenta
Righty or lefty: Righty
Zodiac sign: Dragon

Layer TWO: On the Inside
Your heritage: Chinese
Your fears: Things to happen at wrong timing...
Your weaknesses: Don't like to explain everything to everyone...
Your perfect pizza: All pieces having different flavours to suit the taste of all who r eating lol..

Layer THREE: Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: I still want to sleep...
Your bedtime: 11++
Your most missed memory: talking to the somebody of great influence.. lol.. CCS days in cchms & lib days in tjc..

Layer FOUR: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: no preference..
Macdonalds or Burger King: depends on my mood.. haha
Single or group dates: alternate? haha
Adidas or Nike: adidas, but i prefer new balance..
Lipton tea or Nestea: Lipton tea
Chocolate or vanilla: Choco!
Cappucino or coffee: white coffee without sugar..

Layer FIVE: Do you..
Smoke: nopez
Curse: nopez
Gone to the mall: yupz of cos.. lol
Been on stage: yupz...
Eaten sushi: yupz...
Dyed your hair: yupz..

Layer SIX: Have You Ever
Played a stripping game: nope!
Changed who you were to fit in: nope and i never will cos i don't think there's such a need...

Layer SEVEN:
AgeYou're hoping to be married: leave it to fate...

Layer EIGHT: In a Girl/Guy
Best eye colour: no preference..
Best hair colour: no preference..

Layer NINE: What Were You Doing?
1 minute ago: Answering some other layers
1hour ago: cooking fried rice!
1.5 hours ago: on bus home from tampines...
1 month ago: shopping at ikea tampines with lib exco after badminton..
1 year ago: juz any other normal sch day i think..

Layer TEN: Finish the Sentence
I love: my family! doraemon! gallen lo! haha
I feel: trying to enjoy live live to the fullest..
I hate: ppl who are insensitive with words..
I hide: My feelings
I miss: normal life...

went Chinatown with parents on Sat nite, the 亮灯仪式。Though its very crowded, but like to go and kueh seoh, like that then have CNY atmosphere ma.. lol... went to Popular at The Majestic before my parents reached, and the Chinese books there are having promotions! Up to 70%, and so I bought 2 books.. haha a great deal indeed...
had tuition at The Mentor on Sunday, and had a new Sec 2 student joining the class.. tuition was ok esp with Roland entertaining us... went hougang mall with nick after tuition for dinner, and he had salad as usual. lol.. was talking about the difference between Orang Utan and Gorilla and i was saying they both look the same except for the color, so he say go popular to look at the books.. and we conclude that Orang Utans are the ones with smiling and Gorilla are often with a sad face.. lol... chatted alot with him and had a drink at Kopitiam while watching soccer match between Thailand and Vietnam before heading home.
looking forward to the tuition class on Sun. haha.. anyway this week is a busy week i have events planned almost the whole week till next Mon.. lol.. going to enjoy myself!


I sometimes wonder if it is just another excuse for me to behave this way or is it what I ought to be. I seriously don't want to blame everything on it and create excuses to make myself feel better, but is it actually a fact or not? I really do not have the answer. I wish I can be just like any other person, working and leading a normal life, but sometimes I really have no idea if it will be possible, be it now or in the future. Even they can't assure me of what's going to happen in the future, because they have no idea what are those anti-bodies! All they can do is to try to keep it under control, but they can't promise me, they can't give me gurantees.........
I really don't like this kind of life. I know I should think positively, but sometimes, its hard to especially if I have to deal with all kinds of people......

黑暗也是一种力量。人，就是从挫折中成长与累积经验。为何？为何总是发生在那么关键的时刻？一年四季，就得选在那将断定我的前程的时刻发作吗？上天为何如此的不公平？我有很多很多的问号，但我知道，不是所有问题都有答案的。。。

finally meet up with gh they all on sat.. its been so long, actually we did meet up after the 'a's, but sat's meeting was more fun! went shopping at vivo, chinatown to check out tour packages, then to orchard for dinner.. sadz that angel cant join us, but hopefully our planned trip to jb for food+shopping will be successful!

somehow you will know that there are always some frens out there who'll always be there for you, and although we may not be seeing each other very often, we all know that we will remain as best friends... perhaps some ppl might think otherwise, and what i said does not apply to all frens also... but i shall say that im lucky to have a group of frens whom i can really count on in times of need.. they might not see this, but i juz want to say that i really cherish our frenship...

however, there are also ppl who are insensitive with words, perhaps its becos im too sensitive? but anyway, im tryiing hard not to take it to heart, because its juz a waste of my time.. have heard alot of rumours about that person even before knowing her, but i din know it was her after we came rather good frens... indeed those rumours somehow affected my impression towards her, but overall it did not affect much, cos i believe that what's most important is what i see and what i perceive.. but perhaps as time pass by, i got to know more about her insensitive-ness.... really... i hate to talk about it, but whenever she says something so insensitive that hurts me, i cant help it but to feel sad.. 我们当酒肉朋友就算了吧！

met up with wanying and xinrou last thurs, intending to watch one last dance, but in the end we toss a coin to decide between one last dance and pans labyrinth. and we watched pans labyrinth, not a very nice show i would say, it seems that the fairytale is only a small portion of the show and not really link to the whole show, but there are some funny parts though.. went suntec after movie and walk around before going home...

went for badminton at tampines changkat with the usual ppl on sat, quite a nice game, and we walk to simei eastpoint after that. eastpoint had some renovation i think, and there are more shops now, kinda like marina square those small small shops.. bought a pink skirt..

sun was a rainy day, went to yishun for brunch then to woodlands... taufik was at causeway point for some autograph session, that explains the big crowd there.. anyway, nth much to shop as i have nth much to buy..

went tuition on mon before going ps to watch one last dance! finally.. yupz it was a nice show though a bit complicated. got a pair of nike shoes also =)

sometimes in life, many things are better left unexplained, because not everyone understands. sometimes even people closest at heart will hurt you because they failed to understand, so it'll be a better choice not to explain at all. this sounds kind of familiar, did i write this before 2 years ago? anyway, we learn through different situations in different stages of life...

going to watch these 2 movies!

movies

going to watch these 2 movies!

new year resolutions

i realised that i haven't written my new year resolutions.. it's 9 days late, but i shall still write:
1. better health for me and family
2. good results that allows me to get into Maritime Studies/Chinese Studies
3. learn driving
4. beijing trip with family
5. forget about the unhappiness in the past year
6. relief teaching job
7. exercise more
8. stop pred
i guess that's about all? haha.. anyway tuition is a good way to earn money.. short hours but good pay.. lol..

went to watch Night At the museum last sat after badminton at tampines.. a really hilarious show.. haven't watched such a funny show for a long time.. going to watch One Last Dance and Que Sheng 3..

its already the 4th day of the new year 2007! but what have i achieved??? dreamt of alot of things... alot of classmates, frens, teachers.. perhaps i'm too free? juz like 2 years ago when he said the same thing to me? I am wondering if i should apply at cfps, but its kinda far..

anyway, went to Cote 'D Azur yesterday for turkey feast.. wanted to swim but kinda lazy after eating.. =p wanted to go Parkway also, but its rather late and i havent got anything to buy...

nth much to update.. sis is back from genting! she'll be home tonite... wanna see wat goodies she bought for us.. haha..

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to all!!!

30th Dec 2006:
went East Coast Park picnic cum cycling with lib excos.. only singwei, shurong, raf, sihui n me but its very fun! haha cycle double-seater with raf, first time trying the double-seater, not as hard though.. yupz and i made potato salad, and we also had sandwiches, cookies, chips n cakes.. played dai dee and some other card games before we finish the potato salad.. then went cycling... after that we played at the beach before heading home.. really nice outing.. havent been to the beach for a long time, and i really enjoyed it.. ^_^

at night went bbq at liqing cousin's house.. feels nice to see the relatives again, feel just like chinese new year.. haha.. but my aunties and cousin-in-law said i gained looked better(meaning i gained fats..) sadz.. but nvm, hopefully i'll be back to normal after stopping the medicine.. an enjoyable day!

New year eve:
slept almost the whole day away, cos am really tired... went punggol plaza with mum at night... and then went home and sleep through the new year...

New Year:
woke up and its a brand new 2007! received lots of sms greetings from frens and even from Mrs Kee! so surprised.. anyway, hopefully year 2007 is a great year ahead, with lots of happiness and peace and love and hope and all the good things! for my family, my frens as well as for myself!

nothing much happened these few days, and its a good thing i suppose.. went to Tampines with parents on Christmas eve and the crowd is really big.. and my dad got me a dora-photoframe too.. haha now my glass cabinet is 3/4 full of doraemon stuff, and the other 1/4 is reserved for my sylvanian family... my dad suggest that i should get another cabinet just for doraemon...

anyway, did jigsaw with my bro on christmas day... his pooh bear jigsaw given by his fren.. went out with lh yesterday, to simei for dinner and pool, and then to tampines to get a puzzle frame for my sis's bday present... he got me a box of choco and vochers.. so happy... but feel so bad i din prepare anything for him.. =p

going to Leisure World with mama and 4th aunt tonite.. hope they win alot alot.. haha..

X'mas eve

Had an early exchanging of x'mas gift with my family last nite, cos sis won't be back till tmr.. am so happy to have receive so many doraemon stuff... sis bought me a dora-bag, dora-softoy, a sylvanian family baby train, 3 dora-notices to be hung on cars... bro got me a dora-photoframe... mum got me a dora-stationary holder... ^_^

they make me feel as if im still a little kid who's so loved by all.. i got my sis a x'mas shirt, and my bro some pooh bear stuff... the 3 of us also shared to buy a scholl shoe for mum.. didn't get anything for dad, cos its hard to get things for him... he say he'll get what he likes, and we don't have to go to the expenses... haha still remember that i got him a goldlion polo-shirt last year, and he's complaining about the lousy material after wearing for a few times... anyway, am really glad that i have a happy family!

went to lib yesterday and borrowed a few books.. finished reading one of them - Xiao Wang Zi.. perhaps i've read it before some years ago, but i can't really remember.. i would say that its a simple yet deep story.. it may seem as a simple fairy tale, but on a deeper understanding, there seems to be philisophical arguements... it lead me to deep thoughts.. of life.. of our goals.. so i thought: what is my goal in life? it's a difficult question to answer i suppose. at least to me. presently, i can't even decide which course in university to pursue, much less to say my goal in life. maritime studies or chinese studies? it seems to be of 2 extremes, but a guy - Zheng He linked the 2 together 600 years ago. after reading part of xiao wang zi in lib yesterday, i pondered over the question of my goal in life, and i proceed to borrow a book on Zheng He and the maritime industry of southeast asia. have only started to read, and hopefully i'll be able to make a better decision after finish reading the book.

shall stay at home this x'mas eve, and immerse myself in... whatever i want to do... read, write, watch dvds, sleep... had a sleepless nite last nite with headache and gastric.. lucky all the pain went off when i woke up... but sometimes i really enjoy not sleeping at nite, cos its the best time for me to sort out my thinkings as everyone is asleep and is quiet...


Merry Christmas to all!

new skin

it has been ages since i last blogged here... had nothing to do, so change to a new Doraemon skin... 'A' levels ended a more than a month ago, but i'm still at home...

Why has it always to be when i'm facing a major examination that something so disastrouse struck me? It happened during my 'O' Levels, and its even worse during my 'A' Levels... Indeed, yy is right, hospital isn't a conducive place for examinations... but what can i do? just hope that everything will be fine, and i will be able to get into university... i really have no expectations, or rather, i don't dare to have, because i knew how badly i've done, esp for Maths, which most people said its easy... Perhaps, deep down in me, i've made the worse preparation -- to retake again next year... Saying all these now is useless, i just hope everything turns out fine...

Really wish to thank my family and frens and teacher for encouraging me during my exams, else i might have given up and retake next year... i know it sounds silly, but at that point in time, i am really confused... because i knew i am not in the best condition, but yet i don't wish to waste another one year of mine.. but taking the exams in such conditions might waste my 2 years of efforts... but i must say, that i really tried my best, though it could have been better under normal conditions... i shall say that i have no regrets for taking the exams, as that is my choice, and whatever the results, i really have done my best... ...

Random...

Along with what is lost, some are gained.
Friendships, respect, care, concern, truthfulness, all are changing with times.
Just like the Moon, which is changing often, but eventually, it will go back to the same thing, following a pattern, everything seems to be following a pattern. Time may have passed, but eventually, what has happened has become a fact, and will always be there.
What is eternal? Perhaps nothing. No. Maybe scars and wounds are. Yes they are. They will never vanish, so why try to forget? Nothing traumatical will be forgotten. Nothing can become everything, and everything can also means anything... ...

after 1 year...

its been 1 year since my last post here.. have no idea why i abandoned this blog last year and why i suddenly have the urge to blog here again... perhaps its the series of things that happen recently and the timing of the year that reminds me of certain things? Anyway, i seriously hope that things are really getting better...
hope my sis is feeling better... it came as a shock to the family... who'll know that after 8+ years, they made that ultimate decision and she said that there's no more chance of reviving the situation... I believe it hurts, to both of them and their family... then my sis told me that 2006 is a bad year... to her of cos it is... but to me, no one year will be worse than 2004... haiz.. juz as susan said, alot of things yi yan nan jing...
On a happier note, had a few happy encounters yesterday.. cos i suddenly received a msg from Susan... and i dreamt of someone whom i really chong bai...
all in all, it seems that whenever that date gets near, there'll just be events and issues that are related to it, and reminds me of it, makes me all upset again..........

gt back most papers le... as expected... failed my econs.. haha... it's better than wat i expected le.. .hahah... den the other subs din score veri well... bt physics rocks man.. luv it.. haha.. though din do veri well also.. *sadz... hmmz... haven gt back gp yet... dunno can pass or not.. lol...
wishing sam a Happy Belated Birthday!!

yest went back cchms with yuxuan... the can-chaining ting realli impressive lo.. haha.. they did until so nice... met a few teachers... esp mr wang feng.. lol.. n yx keep saying tat he looks the same.... n tat he's a nice guy... lol... saw yazeed also.. he injured his leg again.. so poor ting.. haiz... hmm... after at went into lt1 listen to principal n minister tok.. sehz.. after a while den leave liaoz... long time nvr go tat lt le... memories linger on...

aftertat went singapore art museum with yx... ppl like so shocked when they heard tat we're gng to museum.. lol.. bt the exhibitions quite nice, though i'm nt good in art... bt still can appreciate some.. hahha.. walk for like 2 hrs in the museum den go eat dinner... aftertat go home to watch the last episode of 'jiu wu zhi zhun'... so nice... the 'daxia' so knowledgeable...

gt so many frens gt r/s probs... dunno hw to help them also.... haha hope they'll be ok... hmm.. ct if u happen to read this, sumone is troubling over u.. i dunno hw to help him also... n i also dunno him veri well... bt know tat he realli is tryin hard... hope u'll give him a chance... bt anyway, juz my comments... haha realli dunno wat to say...

exams over!

exams over le... haha.. tink wun do well tis time cos i din study.. hahah... realli din study lo... onli studied 2 chaps out of 4 chaps for econs... n my essay qns is... more confidence in lep though i onli start studying at 11 on the day.... hahah... hmm... physics also nt much confidence... shd've studied for it... haiz.. anyway... today went orchard with xr n yx.... shop ard lo cos yx wana buy a wallet.... den i bought toner also... finally managed to find tat bio-essence toner le... go so many watsons bt cant find it.. hahha..
den tomolo cchms gt the world longest can chain ting... feel like gng leh.. bt my mother say tomolo wan go malaysia...... dunno wan go which one... realli is yu yu xiong zhang bu ke jian de.. hahah.. hmm... jiu wu zhi zhun ending soon.. a nice show wor... den after tat is the tan pan zhuan jia.. tink sam will luv it.. lol...

y am i blogging here when i haven finish studying? i also dunno.. tings always go out of hand... esp during crucial times... havin a runny nose n running a fever since last nite... haiz... yr also had a high fever before he went for his reservist.... was reading his blog... seems tat he appears to be such a joker in front of his frens bt deep inside him... he's so sad.. so helpless.. dunno why, bt hav a feeling like the both of us r like... on the same boat?? duno... bt one ting i'm sure, he luv cats as much as i do.... n he's a nice guy...

wat shd i write? hmm... today went for father's day dinner cos last nite my sis attended her fren's wedding dinner... nth much to write... family.... everyting is alrite n nice.... studies... juz starting to get along...

4ep gatherin on 31st july...... time seems to pass by so fast yet so slow... it seems to fade feelings yet is juz an illusion or rather its plain avoiding... july... aug... sep... hhaiz..

bai yue guang, xin li mou ge di fang, xiang yi wang, ren bu zhu hui xiang...
mei ge ren, dou you yi duan bei shang, xiang yin cang, que yu gai mi zhang........ ni shi wo, bu neng yan shuo de shang.......

thx gh so much for the bai yue guang disc... realli luv it...

perhapz im juz nt well-prepared yet............

guihao's bday!!

today is our dear guihao's birthday!!! oopz... its actually yesterday la... lol... went the eat the suki sushi lunch buffet @ Hougang Plaza with her, peiwen, xinrou, yuxuan n samartha... the food there is great... *slurps* the sashimi n the softshell crab tastes so gd haha... tink 16.90 is worth it... haha.. shall go there again.. yupz n we played zhong ji mi ma there..... poor xr had to eat so many... haha.. den aftertat they went hougang mall play arcade mi accompany yx home to change.. den go serangoon central.. lol.. dun wan say bout tat le.. so funny.. haha.. den we went marina square... millenia walk... suntec convention c photography exhibitions.... suntec shop.... n den finally gh n pw reached suntec... lol... went Polar buy cake for gh... n she secretly took a photo of a 'shuai ge' in Polar.. haha.. bt let him find out..
anyway, hope gh enjoyed herself today....

holiday le... so fast... start sch for bout 2 mths plus le... hmm... mon gng lep camp @ sports sch.. haha.. so gd... at least better than ntu... =p sis went to tioman island le,.. sianz... tomolo hafta help her teach tuition at the mentor...
tink these few days like everyting gng against mi like tat... haiz... at first found out tat i lost contact with sumone of great influence... den feel so sadz.... realli is 'hao meng nan yuan'.... den cannot finish collecting the money for the lib camp t shirt...and the shirts tat i ordered are all so big... den i lost sumting today also... sianz.... gt back my shou ji yest... all tat i've wrote seems to revolve ard 1 topic... juz cant seem to forget... she ask mi to 'chang shi bu qu chu peng ta'... sumtimes its nt wat i wan also... words tat came from others often cant be avoided.... juz feel tat its all juz fated to be so... sianz....

so long ago...

realli so long ago never update le... hmm... dunno wat to write also... everyday juz go sch come home nth much to write bout... lol... joined library and am an exco nominee now... the interviews went on quite ok... the teachers seem quite nice... haha... n ya... after jun holidays is the june common test... haha if i fail my econs most prob i'll drop it ba... hav been slacking in my tutorials... tink lep is the onli sub tat i did all my work, maybe cos there arent so much work, or maybe cos i like it... i like to write shou ji... bt sumtimes also find it quite hard to write cos there'll be restrictions.... nt everyting can be written for her to read de rite? haha...


-------- u often thought u've forgotten, until u realised tat u're actually juz avoiding it---------
though i hope its juz tat im tinking too much... bt i dun tink so... i never go n tink bout tings bt i also dunno y did tings like come into my life? tis kind of things din happen be4... bt nw, i seems to be hearin it so often.. it seems tat its predestined tat sumting will happened at sum point of time in life...
juz ago, i had beautiful dreams... nw, everything is different.... hw true can it be....
hw i hope i can stay at the time when i saw the fireflies... he always say bout firefly when he see mi... he reminded mi of fireflies too....

hav been slacking for the weekend... haha... juz like the feeling of stayin at home doin nth... lol juz rot ard... today went toa payoh buy the teva slippers... my dad's belated bday present for mi? lol.. anyway, after tat went yishun my dad go collect the fishin rod... he gng fishin tomolo... i also wan go... sobz... long time never go ecp there fish le... bt also gd la... tomolo after fishin he can go fetch mi haha... tink will be skipping tomolo's lep make-up lecture.. haha..

over the rainbow... wat a nice song...

haven been updating recently... tink its rather pointless to blog... though ppl mite say tat tis serves as an online diary.. bt i dun tink so... i tink tis isnt a diary lo... reason is simple.. cos wat we';r writing in diary is onli for ourselves to read... bt nt here... secrets r meant to be kept, tat's the purpose of a secret isnt it?

anyway, juz blog for fun lo... school starts for few wks le.... so nth much to blog bout.... oh ya.. my bro went to bangkok last week n bought doraemon for mi.. haha... so gd tat he can go travel... nvm.. nx time when i work n earn money le also can go... haha..

btw, having 2 tests nx week... so sian... dun feel like studyin... mayb as wat xr said, the tests r meant for us to fail de.. lol...

萤火虫真漂亮！！！

went to malaysia with my family on sat, 2nd apr with my sis's company... went to my mum's hometown... its juz a small kampong-like area where its famous for its lobster... haha... ya its called 四弯岛，bt its nt an island.. lol... sumwhere near desaru... 虽然那儿不是什么繁华都市，也不是什么购物天堂，但那纯朴的乡村生活所散发的浓厚气息，实在令人感到很舒服。晚饭过后，我们乘坐小船在河畔漂泊着，等待夜幕的降临。那种远离尘嚣的感觉，真的令人忘却一切烦恼。仿佛唯一的目标就是看见那萤火虫。那种等待，并不漫长，因为大家已沉浸在大自然的怀抱中。望着两岸的树林，瞧那平静的河水，谁还会记起一切的伤心往事呢？萤火虫体型虽然很小，但它所散发的光芒，带给人们无比欢乐，又有谁会赞赏它呢？
the fireflies r realli nice... drifting along the river, everything seems so peaceful.... nth seems to be bothering us all...

today... nth much.. started tutorials... still quite ok.... btw, thx sis n bear for the deuter bag... luv it veri much.. =) den tracy coming for tuition soon... so tired... wanna sleep.. lol....

萤火虫真漂亮！！！

went to malaysia with my family on sat, 2nd apr with my sis's company... went to my mum's hometown... its juz a small kampong-like area where its famous for its lobster... haha... ya its called 四弯岛，bt its nt an island.. lol... sumwhere near desaru... 虽然那儿不是什么繁华都市，也不是什么购物天堂，但那纯朴的乡村生活所散发的浓厚气息，实在令人感到很舒服。晚饭过后，我们乘坐小船在河畔漂泊着，等待夜幕的降临。那种远离尘嚣的感觉，真的令人忘却一切烦恼。仿佛唯一的目标就是看见那萤火虫。那种等待，并不漫长，因为大家已沉浸在大自然的怀抱中。望着两岸的树林，瞧那平静的河水，谁还会记起一切的伤心往事呢？萤火虫体型虽然很小，但它所散发的光芒，带给人们无比欢乐，又有谁会赞赏它呢？
the fireflies r realli nice... drifting along the river, everything seems so peaceful.... nth seems to be bothering us all...

today... nth much.. started tutorials... still quite ok.... btw, thx sis n bear for the deuter bag... luv it veri much.. =) den tracy coming for tuition soon... so tired... wanna sleep.. lol....

so many days no blog le.... lol.. veri lazy... hmm... wanna thx dongjie for the ecard first... haha.. though she may nt read tis la, bt thx...
den back to these few days.. nth much basically... juz went sch for lectures with so many breaks in between for mi to slack... lol... yup den yest meet our civics tutor...she's quite nice.... ya den the overseas cip trip... i wanna go.... bt my parents dun allow...sobz....
hmm.. den tomolo got orientation nite... dunno wan go or not leh... cos sat hav to wake up early cos goin malaysia with family....

so long neber blog le... sick again.. lol.. sehz... bt feel so much beta after sleeping for i tink 13 hrs? lol...
tj's orientation realli cannot make it wor... so sianz... n tink mani ppl pon today's amazing race... n their mass dance cannot make it also... haha... nj one nicer... lol.. erm... dunno wat to blog bout... so tired.... lucky i never go for the amazing race... else sure die there.. lol... tomolo goin gh's hse to bbq... bt dun tink i can eat... sobz....

lyrics of bai yue guang... realli m wat im feeling... had always luv tis song.. bt never realli notice the lyrics.. until i saw it from the disc gh give mi... seems tat its so close to mi... realli... mei ge ren dou you yi duan bei shang... xiang yin cang yu zai sheng zhang....

白月光　心里某个地方　那么亮　却那么冰凉　每个人　都有一段悲伤　想隐藏　却欲盖弥彰　白月光　照天涯的两端　在心上　却不在身旁　擦不干　你当时的泪光　路太长　追不回原谅　你是我　不能言说的伤　想遗忘　又忍不住回想　像流亡　一路跌跌撞撞　你的捆绑　无法释放　白月光　照天涯的两端　愈圆满　愈觉得孤单　擦不干　回忆里的泪光　路太长　怎么补偿　你是我　不能言说的伤　想遗忘　又忍不住回想　像流亡　一路跌跌撞撞　你的捆绑　无法释放　白月光　心里某个地方　那么亮　却那么冰凉　每个人　都有一段悲伤　想隐藏　愈在生长

yest went sam's hse play xbox n get sum notes from her... ya lo din managed to fetch 10 customers... dun believe canot get 10... will try again nx time.. haha... aftertat went home for dinner first den meet her again to go rivervale plaza to rent vcds den go compass.... ya den saw tat nice 'penguin necklace' sooooo nice... aftertat went home watch 1/2 yuan fen n qian nian zhi lian...
hmm den juz woke up.. cook sumting to eat den nth much le...

sadz

i suddenly found out tat sumone close to mi is juz making my life difficult.. haiz.. the person knows tat im upset bout it yet tat person is mentioning it again n again... juz wondering... is it cos tat person juz has such important position in my heart tat im feelin so upset over it or is it cos im being oversensitive... bt i juz wanna say, it realli hurts.. even till nw......
though i know tat tat person mite nt be sayin it out on purpose.. bt i dunno.. i sumhow feels tat tat person knows tat i'll be sad after hearin it bt i still found out....

am feelin rather pressurize these few days cos of a no. of issues.. will try to blog lesser......

a long day today.. went marine parade for flag day with ccs... i organised de wor.. lol bt onli 9 persons turned up n among the 9 i onli knew 2 haha.. bt nvm... yupz den go parkway the bridge there.. quite alot of ppl... n managed to fill up half the tin i tink.. ya n realised tat ppl r rather generous cos most ppl donated $1 coins.. n ya, tat dong bin still as funny as be4... dunno y, bt the way he toks juz reminds mi of renyuan.. lol...
at bout 5+ actually sms mi sis say mi at marine parade hungry tot she'll ask dad to come fetch mi cos they all at bedok... bt she actually din.... so sad.. n when i called, she said they were on the way home le... sobz... den i go out lo... go tampines shop... haha... tm alot of ppl wor.. quite long never go le... hmm... saw a kukumalu bag $14.90 veri nice.. likes the army green one n the pink one bt never buy... bought shorts instead... anyway, was shoppin in metro n was takin sum clothes to try when i suddenly felt so weak... as if i've lost all the resistance to fight... lost the motivation to move on... dun realli know hw to describe tat feeling... den i told myself im a fortunate person compared to many others... hmm... shop for quite long den go eat long john's den go home... reached home at bout 2210 n watch 'qian nian zhi lian'...

n ya forgot to mention tat i went century square de missha wanna find angelina from mxps bt she's nt ard... tink she worked till 7... hmmz... quite a crowd at missha there... cos the tings r quite cheap actually.. haha...

today woke up veri early... dad fetched mi n mum to katong de temple den we go eat breakfast... aftertat went bugis... shop ard n eat quite alot of tings... aftertat went home sam asked mi go her hse play xbox de.. bt in the end i fall asleep... lol.. so never go...
n ya.. my sis gt new phone a few days ago... nokia 6260.. haha veri fun.. keep using it to take self-portrait... yupz... everyting seems so normal.. hmm tink will b goin swimmin again tomolo morning if i can wake up lol...

heeding advices...

din go anywhere these few days... juz dunno wats happening actually... intend to go suntec today de... bt din go cos of sum reasons n so was staying at home, n suddenly feels as though crying without anybody knowing is so common? lol.. had a late nite last nite.. slept at ard 4 am though im on the bed since 1+.. nt tat i cant get to sleep... bt juz tat sumtimes, its always when im alone tat tings dun go the way i wished...

feels so sian nw.. hav decided to do sumting meaningful... bt sumhow juz feels wat i've said, wat i've done, may nt realli be wat im actuallly feeling...

hmm yest nite went loyang temple with mum n bro.. alot of ppl wor... tink its the onli temple in singapore with so many xiang ke ba... reali xiang huo ding sheng... reach home already past midnite le... online check mail awhile den go sleep le...

today woke up early cos meeting yy to collect the 'o' level chi notes cos mon helping tracy with her chi... ya meet him at 10 at serangoon there... hmm den come home first den go eat brunch with my mum... nth much to update le...

finish writing the letter to selina... a four-paged long one.. lol... haven been writing for so long le... sumtimes its realli a pleasure to be writing... bt den, it depends on wat u'r writin also... writing bout unhappy stuff isnt realli a pleasure though its nice to write out wateva feelings u hav, bt i'd rather nt hav anyting to write bout... tink i shd realli learn to 拿得起放得下。bt the prob is, i din take it up in the first place, n y shd i put down tings tat others took up? k im toking crap here... heeding advice....

nth much to update bout these few days cos was resting at home... sleepin most of the time lol cos of the medicine...
dunno y, these few days keep having lots of dreams... they say is cos dun sleep well tats y hav dreams... bt i dunno... sum of the dreams r nice, bt perhapz im tinking too much tat i dreamt of tings tat i hate to hear most.... tis feelin is realli terrible... r sick n cant go out, yet hav nth to do bt to hu si luan xiang n den dream of sumting u hate most... haiz..
btw, still owe selina a letter... haha its been so long since she sent mi...

juz changed blog skin yest... juz luv the quotes n the pic.. dunno wats wrong with the tag board... thx sam for ur concern.. am quite fine nw except for sum cough.. yupz den yest nite went compass pt with my mum.. shopped awhile den go library.. din shop much also cos was still nt feeling veri well.. ya so went home n rest...

hmm.. today woke up le read sum books den come online... was reading the archives of sam's blog... haiz... seems as though my probs hav caused her unhappiness too... sianz.. den go read my own blog's archive... all the unhappy memories in 2004 seems to hav caused a great change in everyting... be it our mindsets, our behaviours, our feelings, our actions.. it juz seems to hav created too much probs tat till nw they'r all still linked up.. can still remember the 2 days in sep... both days make mi hate the number 13... haiz...

bt as i've said be4 in angelfire, perhapz tis is sai weng shi ma, yan zhi fei fu... bt frankly speakin, i realli dun mind forsaking the 'fu' for wat i've 'shi'... well at least for nw, there's sumone who understands n agree with wat im doin nw... tat person said she'll do the same if he were in my position...

haven been bloggin for long time... finally made up my mind of goin tj... dunno wat to say nw... hav been sick since yest, mind is blank, slept almost for the whole day yest...

nw, though i've made up my mind of goin tj, im still afraid... afraid of the explanations part.... haiz.. y muz everyting be linked together? tink i shd try nt to tink bout it... though i know tat doin so is onli tao bi xian shi... perhaps im juz too worried bout tings tat doesn't requires mi to worry bout... ya bu yao wei mei you bi yao de fan nao er fan nao.. as in, even if i'm worried, tings wun change to any beta... maybe i shall juz give ppl stupid excuses...

had a discussion with my mum juz now, n asked for comments while online juz nw... tink most prob i'll be goin jc ba... haha sumone juz hav such great influence on mi ya? lol...

today wake up den go rivervale plaza help dad buy carpark season ticket... after tat go np ask bout the chi course lo... actually tot so far no one wans go with mi de... haha bt den gh called mi say she n angel no place go so go with mi.. haha ya den meet them at np there... den go for the course counselling thingy... quite alot ppl there... den we take the brochure from the CHS le den sit down at the sofa there tok crap lo... ya bt i still cant decide on goin there or nt leh... tat np guy say if i like chi shd go for the course la, cos will be beta than jc... bt den go poly veri difficult to go uni leh... aftertat pei angel go make singpass lo.. hafta wait so long... haha... ya wait for an hour plus ba den we walk to mrt lo... wanna go xr's hse de bt den nvr go haha cos gh wan go home eat.. so we go with her lo.. lol... den my bro come fetch mi from gh's hse... reach home le discuss with my parents lo... they say if i like chi den go ahead for the CHS lo...
bt i also dunno leh, cos gt sumone of great influence ask mi try go tj.... haha ya den i also afraid tat go poly le den cannot go uni onli left with a dip...
hmm den tomolo goin ecp cycle with angel gh n xr...

juz got back my results today... well i sort of expected tis l1r5 la, bt den quite disappointed for sum subs lo... anyway, tot i'll do worst de.. haha.. bt still quite sad la cos like alot ppl in our class n sch get single digit lo.. bt overall i still tink its nt bad la cos i realli expect sumting worst... ya den sumone asked for my results den said tat i could've done bettter... bt still alrite le... cos tat person knew wat happened ma... anywya, most ppl advice mi to go jc la... say tj nt bad ask mi give a try... lol... den gt sum funny ppl tell mi i shd tell nj tat i got go sch everyday when they called mi.. realli sehz lo.. lol...

long time never blog here le... maybe cos i dun like to blog here when im unhappy... haha... ya goin to take back results later.. ppl seems to be nervous bout it n my sis keep asking mi im worried or not, or i nd her to accompany mi to get results or nt.. lol.. bt i dun realli seem like feeling a ting bout it.. if there is, is juz tat i still haven decided on goin jc or poly... maybe cos i'v expected the worse, n sum experience gained by mi makes mi feel numb cos i dun tink the impact of bad results is worst than wat i've experienced... anyway, i knew tat i cant do well de cos... so no pt worrying... if results realli no gd den go poly lo.. haha

hmm den yest went xr's hse play mahjong with yx, angel, ng xin n shuyun... was watching 'Life Is Beautiful' while playign.. its such a nice show though i've watched many times le.. haha... if onlli life is realli so beautiful...... haiz bt it isnt...

today go watch 'i do i do' with gh n sam at ps... quite a funny show though i din realli like sharon au.. bt anyway, quite nice show la... ya den took neo prints with gh n sam also... ya den aftertat went bedok for dinner with family... my bro treating wor.. haha... yupz.. den eat le went bedok interchange shop lo... bt nth much also la, cos tat day juz went onli...

haiz.. dunno y like having a bad feeling bout tings these few days.. ya am trying nt to tink too much bout tings..... =(

tis afternoon went compass wanna buy the deuter bag, bt dun hav it there... so never buy... hmmz den shop ard lo.... bought sum food... cos nt in veri gd mood wanna splurge.. tats y wanna go buy the bag, bt so sad.... haiz... after tat went home hav dinner.... online awhile... den gh called n ask mi to meet at compass...

ya so asked my bro drive mi there lo... den saw gh she's so different.... she cried when she see mi... haiz.. dunno hw to console her also... ya den meet with yx n angel go yoshinoya talk lo.. realli hav no idea hw to console her... haiz... bt gh, cheer up kz?

yest:

woke up at 10+ den go my 3rd uncle's hse at sengkang... didn do much except gamblign.. lol... den we left at evening after dinner at bout 7... den my sis suggested goin bishan j8 so my bro n i meet her there... den shop ard there... the new extension like nth much de... lol... haha den yest got some 'pool challenge' over there n the winner will drive away with a car.. haha.. yupz... den went sports connection saw a deuter cross bike bag veri nice... haha maybe will buy... den went basement for some snacks...

today:

nth much cos juz woke up lol... read gh's blog yest... its ok gh, juz call mi whenever u wan, u dun hav to tell mi wat happen if u dun wish to... juz know tat i'll be there for u no matter wat happens... though hope tat there wun be a nx time for u to call mi while crying... haha...

欢庆佳节，何人不乐？
纵有万千感慨，
也唯有埋藏心底，独自怆然。

贵人相助，能否解围？
历经狂风骤雨，
持恍如隔世之感，他人无奈。

旁人误解，可曾澄清？
凡事皆有苦衷，
无奈却没法解释，何人晓得。

物质充斥，果真享受？
表面一如往常，
内心之悲痛欲绝，无奈自忍。

ya lo sam, maybe i tink too much of gambling le lo.. lol bt as i said, i feel tat gambling helps mi forget all the unhappy tings ma...

anyway, the nj clerk called mi today asking mi y i drop sch n hw many days did i attend sch... lol.. super inefficient lo them... its been almost 2 mths le nw den they call mi... haha so funny, cos when tat person first called, i was in toilet, so my dad pick up the phone... den tat person ask my dad if he knows tat i haven been attending sch... sehz.. den my mum was like telling my dad y he never tell the clerk he dunno n y they onli called now, like near to 2 mths since i drop sch? haha... ya den she ask mi y i dun wan go, i told her maybe i wanna go poly.... lol...

den today early afternoon went out with my bro to turf city, n was feeling so sick tat i almost fainted.. lucky i sat down in time wor... else my bro wun know wat to do le.. so sorry to make him n my parents worry... ya den sorry wor sam cant go watch i do i do with ya... i came home onli i sleep le... haha... tink nx week u c which day u free den we go watch lo...

hmm... yest my relatives came... den i help my mum prepare food since morning lo... yupz... den 4th aunt is the banker for ban luck... lol lucky i never play wor, cos she so lucky... tink she won bout $300+ lo.. all the players lost...

had a nightmare last nite.. dreamt tat im the banker for 'ban luck'--blackjack, n i lost $100 in one round.. n i woke up after it.. den woke up at 9+ cant sleep le... den went queenstown with parents to repair the vcd player.... aftertat went toa payoh shop n hav lunch....

went home aftertat..... blog.... den receive a call from gh... bt she never say anyting.... duno wat happened, hope she'll be alrite... aftertat went swim.... always like to swim when am feeling down... actually i dun wan go swim de cos wana wait for gh reply... bt den tis morning already decided to go swim at evening.. so go ahead... swimmed 8 laps, tired, my bro fetch mi....

came home, eat dinner... den lau yu sheng... ya den fold kim zua.... nw veri sian.......

reached home after midnite juz now... den tok with my sis n parents till bout 3.. nw they went to sleep... suddenly feels tat tis yr de cny rather diff from previous years... haiz.... maybe its cos im avoiding? i'm avoiding cos i dunno hw to explain.. n i also dun wish to explain... bt haiz... tink its onli when everione is buzi gambling den will feel beta... duno y also... bt i tink its a fact tat it'll remain in my mind... perhapz time will fade it.. bt hw long will it take???? it's been so long.......

sianz.......

long time never blog le.. cos cny ma.. haha... bt tis year de cny abit boring.. haha maybe cos less gambling? lol.. yupz... maybe ‘小赌怡情’refers to tis ba.. lol.. ya so yest went esplanade watch Total Women--这一夜WOMEN说相声.. actually its nt xiang sheng la... juz tat i also dunno hw to say.. lol.. veri funny lo.. first time listen to 3 ppl toking for 2+ hours also nt boring cos realli veri entertaining... though sum parts quite sian.. haha bt overall still nice show... yupz...
later goin 5th aunt's hse.. yeah.. she goin to open chap tee kee.. haha..

new year's eve!

veri tired nw... tis mornign my dad fetch mi to bedok for breakfast, den go marine parade there pass sumting to my aunt.. aftertat go PA take 'Chingay' tix for my sis.. dunno tat the gate thru PA from nicoll highway is close... kaoz.. den hav to walk all the way out den take another bus to kallang there... ya den take the tix, ask the person gt any other exit, she say gt one side gate to mountbatten rd... kaoz... if i know den dun nd to take another bus n walk the long way le... haiz...

ya aftertat went cchms... meet sam n ali at concourse.. yx n hz nt goin back, gh cant go back.. haiz... den go find teachers.. tink mani teachers left le... cant find Mrs Kee.. den tink Mr Wu never go today... ya so pass the chocolates to Mustika lo.. den the pineapple tarts, haha at first i also dunno who to give de... bt den since mrs kee nt here, den huang lao shi already gt one box of it on her table, i never give to her... den mdm tan.. eh.. dun realli like her, n dun tink she likes mi too.. so dun wan give her... lol.. so give mr pek lo.. lol.. den he give mi 2 oranges as hui2 jin4... like beri sian, cos like nt much teachers de.. actually ok la, cos i dun wanna c too much teachers also... hate to do explainations... 'u feel bad bout nt tellin them the truth, bt yet u dun feel like telling them the truth.' tats hw i feel exactly... haiz... aftertat go canteen chat with ali n sam while waiting for my dad to fetch.. ya, den go fetch my bro n sis lo...

since come home den making preparations for tonite's reunion dinner le... yupz... gng to eat at evening den go river angbao..

last nite went chinatown with parents... nt as crowded as expected... mum bought sum flowers n dad bought 2 'bi qiu', the person said tat it;ll help to shou cai... yupz... den walk ard, wanna buy a bracelet bt cant find any nice ones.. bought rings instead.. lol...

at the pasar malam there, when dad was looking at the bidding items, i sat down wiht my mum n i was in a daze... thinking, den my mum asked mi wat am i tinking... dunno wat to say, cos i also dunno wat was i thinking actually.. my thoughts juz wandered about.. haha.. asking of hw shd i explain, sumone told mi to try change topic... haha... stupid rite? lol anyway, goin out soon, den tonite hav reunion dinner! slurps... haha aftertat tink will go river angbao ba, as usual.. haha.. den tomolo morning will go temple first before go my 2nd uncle's hse..

it'll be fun... hope tat it'll be.. i dun wish to do explainations always...

recalling.....

woke up bout an hour's ago... last nite help mum cut n cook the popiah fillings... every year onli help cut the ingredients, bt tis yr i help her cook also... den shun bian tou shi.. lol.. yupz.. den cook till 3am... cos we start cutting last nite 11+pm... ya den juz now woke up le eat.. so nice... tink my aunties gonna come n eat.. lol..

had sum dreams last nite.. veri sweet dreamz... bt regret nt reading tat letter in the dream... onli read the last half of it... bt its a realli nice feeling though cant realli recall wat the dream is about... felt much beta these 2 days, maybe cos i keep myself occupied with tings... n dun let my thoughts wandered about... bt sumhow, im still afraid... realli afraid tat tis year's cny will be diff from previous years... hope tat it wun... bt perhapz it'll be different in the way tat i've grown up through so much traumatic experience tat i had in the year of monkey? nw hoping tat the rooster yr will blessed mi with gd luck..

sumhow, tis seems like a chained reaction? everyting is sort of linked together... n tis will in turn affect my choices n my results...

yest veri busy never blog... went out early yest to orchard n bugis shop ard...

或许这就是所谓的“解铃还需系铃人”吧。但问题是，这铃，真的解了吗？在某些事件上，我们的观点是一致的。或者我该说，我们的许多想法都很相似。
这世界真的很奇妙，真是世事无绝对！让我悲痛欲绝的人是他，没想到现在想尽办法帮助我的却也是同一个人。

过几天就是春节了。除旧迎新，往年听到这句话，总只晓得表面意思－把旧的东西丢了再买新的。然而今年，我终于领悟这句话的真正含义。。。人生道路是坎坷的，也就是这些不如意的事让我们长大。

yest nite went marine parade n bedok buy nian huo.. every year i'll do so with my family n the feeling contains warmth, happiness n much more happiness... bt tis year de feeling seems so different.. i feel so lost.... ya,actually i shd be thankful n gladful tat i'm a able-bodied human who's still fortunate to hav a happy family... there's many tings tat i can do to help others... shd look forward, n nt keep looking back at the unhappy things... at least to mi, all these do help n they do make sense.. thx lots..

juz do watever u feel is good for u...

am thankful...

today went back cchms with sam... hmm.. woke up at 10 den go polyclinic c doctor cos i hurt my toe... haiz den hav to wait so long... ya aftertat meet sam at 2.20 at pasir ris mrt.... hmm... den quite fast wor, reach sch at bout 3 i tink... yupz den go find teachers......

wanna go find mrs kee first de, den meet yazeed along the stairs.. ya den he say lots of 'da dao li' lo.. or shall i say he's crapping? lol... yupz den go find mrs pereirra... ya she treated us to chocolates n sweets.. which she claim are leftovers.. haha... yupz den after tat we go find mrs kee lo.. bt so sad she went home le.. she say she gt sumting on... ya so too bad lo... another day den go visit her...

den wanna go find huang lao shi de, bt den use the intercom nobody ans... so tot she nt in... call her phone nt on... ya den sam meet her junior lo... den i go canteen see ccs de cny celebration.. they making 'jiao zi' so re nao in the canteen... realli proud of my juniors.. they made a great achievement n managed to get 17 sec 1 members!!! ya den can c tat all of them realli enjoy themselves alot tis afternoon... yupz den go his off... tink tok for quite long ba.... sorri to let sam wait so long... =p

aftertat went concourse find sam, along the way saw mdm tan walking towards canteen... told sam den we go find her..... ya den my juniors give mi eat some jiao zi.. n the xian liao of those i've eaten happens to be mixed by mr wu... so haha.. it tastes rather salty... bt still quite nice la... haha... yupz den they give mi the tic for the esplanade performance...

went off with sam to ecp then... wanna watch sunset de, bt when we reach there cant see the sun... so found a place to sit down n listen to the waves den go mac eat dinner... yupz force sam to eat de.. lol... after tat went home lo...

rather fun-filled day, bt if mrs kee was in sch, it wld hav been much beta... haha... den goin back on cny eve lo... btw, he agree with wat i've done n said tat he might hav done the same if he was in my shoes... haha n he says tat for most tings we cant hav the best of both, n tis kind of ting no choice, so juz do wat i tink i shd do.. lol

gng back to cchms tomolo... haiz.. these 2 days feeling so moody... maybe cos i tink too much le... bt... whenever i recall of tat day... it realli realli hurts...

bt im happy to say tat i've a family tat i luv veri veri much, n becos of tis, i nvr tell them my feelings cos i dun wanna worry them.... haiz... suan le, suan le....

wat shd i write? hav blogged alot today, bt nt here...
hope tat cny will bring away all the unhappiness of the past year.... bt can it realli?

hav a strange feeling since i woke up... haiz.. dunno why, den hav a mixture of feelings inside mi... suddenly feel sad, haiz..

sent out several emails, one of them replied asking mi to meet n tok... dun realli know y am i feelin like tis n doin tis... bt was happy tat at least one of them replied...

yest's post is my longest post of all.. haha... today wake up rather early also, went bedok for haircut... haha... nt much diff though, n the person who cut my hair for mi happens to be the 'hong pai' of the salon.. lol... sum funny things happen during the haircut lol...

yupz after tat went hougang de Sasa buy sum things... den walk ard abit lo... hmmz.. went home clean up den sleep at 4 plus till 8+ haha... nw wake up check mail, do sum stuff... n looking for more info on CHS... tink most prob i'll end up in np ba... hahaa.. bt den goin there veri difficult to get into uni leh... if never go uni den will be chi teacher onli... nt much future.. lol... bt heard tat when teaching can also go take degree de... haiz.. bt dunno also... bt my zhi jue tell mi tat go CHS will hav a beta future than goin JC... dunno y gt tis strange feelign... lol....

den nw tinking of where to go on sun... yx wanna go queensway to buy trackshoes... bt there nth much to walk de.. aftertat dunno wanna go where....

sam cheer up kz?

ya quite long never blog le... coming here to blog 4 sam:

most ppl say go jc is beta route la, bt its nt true for all lo, cos nt everyone is acadamically-inclined... perhaps u'll excel beta if u go for sumting u realli like... bt den its realli diff to make a choice of courses now cos maybe we're nt matured yet... bt for nw, if u realli wanna go poly, choose the one u luv most... at least u like it nw n hope u wun regret it cos its ur own choice... if its ur dream to get into a jc, den juz go for it, as long as u hav the determination u can make it,... bt juz dun make life difficult for urself... u shd know wats best for urself.. i mean, if u wanna go jc, muz hav the confidence to get into uni, else the 'a' level cert is nth compared to a diploma... im nt saying tis to scare u, bt juz to let u know... u'r in the first 3 mths nw, u shd know the standard of jc, so hope u'r able to make a beta judgement...
as for ur co, maybe its gd tat u wanna quit den u concentrate more on ur tkd? hmm... juz take it easy though i know its hard... n nw first 3 mths onli, juz take as a chance for u to learn more tings n make more frens... dun give ur self too much pressure k? dun worry, u still hav time... though maybe nt alot, bt tis kind of tings muz consider carefully de...
切记，欲速则不达。千万不要操之过急，一定要冷静地想清楚。选择在于你，无论你的抉择是什么，只要你认为是你想要的，就相信你自己。向他人请教，固然能使你有多方面的收获，也能让你从不同的角度看待事物，但是最终，要走这条路的人，是你。所谓“条条大路通罗马”初院生并不一定就比理工学院生来得好。
或许我的观点太过偏激，但希望你能想清楚。
try to take everyting easy n u wun feel so stressed up... no matter wat's ur choice, u muz hav confidence with ur own decision....
________________________________________________________

for myself, though nt realli confirmed yt. n as expected most ppl advise mi to go jc.. bt hope i know wats best for myself.. waiting for NIE to reply my enquiry now... den tink will make a choice after release of results...
well.. these few days rather buzi with cleaning stuff... helping my mum to clean the hse, quite lots of tings to do.. tat day dad juz re-paint the hse so hafta help shift things... ya den put up all the cny decos.. so nice.. haha... yupz... for nw, tink i dun wan to tink too much bout goin jc or poly, cos it onli makes mi feel more troubled... toking bout tis, sumhw juz feel tat sumting isnt rite... dunno why... dun wish to tok bout it le... going to throw all the unhappiness away with the old yr to welcome the new year... nw juz wanna endulge myself into the atmosphere of cny.. haha....
anyway sam, tink we'll be goin out on sun instead of tomolo... u free to come along? time n place nt realli confirm yt will tell u asap... dun worri so much le, sumtimes, shun qi zi ran is the way of life...

realised tat i didn like the new layout... lol.. yupz today went to np open hse... was rather disappointing... haiz... tot the CHS tok will be providing info on the course of study n info of the course bt it was nt... it's merely there to persuade us to take teaching as a career... kaoz... den go the booth also cant get a brochure on the course... sehz... cannot make it de.... haiz... dun realli know if i wan to be a teacher lo, cos dun tink hav the passion to teach... i luv chi n tats a fact, bt teaching is a diff thing.. .n it seems tat the CHS is onli catering for those interested in pursuing a teaching career...

ya den aftertat went chinatown with parents... den sis n bear join us later... ya walk ard n dad bought lots of new year ornaments.. quite a crowd there.. haha... den kor buying a kangoo soon... haha so nice.. yupz... haiz nw still deciding whether to go jc or poly...

yest:
woke up den watch xiao xin with my sis while eating nasi lemak from bedok.. slurps.. haha.. den go compass point buy the shirt... haha.. walk walk ard saw the casio watch again.. lol... anyway, asked sam to help mi buy the bank notes album if she gt go popular cos she gt 10% discount lol...
go home clean windows n cd cabinet... den in the nite went amk with parents... hav dinner n shop ard... sam called n tok bout goin to poly's open hse.. bt she gt lessons till so late... dun wan to pon haha... so she can onli go on sat lo... nvm la will help u record the CHS de tok de kz? haha..

ya den bout today... hmmm nth much cos juz woke up 1 hr ago.. lol.. woke up eat sum biscuits den blooging here le... yupz...

today woke up at 1+... actually wanna go compass with my sis de, bt later she say wan stay at home sing ktv... haha so stay home lo... yupz... den sing till 4+ bear come fetch us... sent my mum n mi to chinatown den my sis n him go suntec... super crowded at chinatown sia... lol... ya... reach there at ard 6... den shop awhile till bout 6.45 den go outside there... though lots of ppl, still manage to find a place where can see the firecrackers... haha... tis yr one quite long wor, tink more than 2 mins? haha... den took sum photos.. aftertat walk over to the other side... the nian huo shi chang there... alot of ppl sia... wanted to find sumting to eat bt so many ppl so went over to maxwell market... haha... yupz.. eat le walk ard den come home le... haha

A longer personality test tat i juz took...
introverted, secretive, reclusive, tough, non social, observer, fearless, solitary, libertarian, detached, outsider, abides the rules, mind over heart, good at saving money, does not like to stand out, does not make friends easily, self sufficient, not aggressive, likes the unknown, unconcerned with external opinion, strong, abstract, independent, very intellectual, analytical, high self control

Personality test:
clean, secretive, does not make friends easily, observer, hates large parties, risk averse, perfectionist, reclusive, solitude loving, more practical than abstract, does not like to stand out, high self control, intellectual, mind over heart, very cautious, takes precautions, respects authority, irritable, emotionally sensitive

juz woke up hahah... yest nite mi sis came home complaining tat she regret goin cineleisure eat buffet with frens.. cos she went gym 2 times tis week le... den eat once buffet all the efforts went down to drain haha.. hmm.. later goin out to sgh help dad collect medicine, den bring my mum to clarke quay there de coffee hse... haha.. dunno if i still know the way there so long never go le.... lol...
yeah, chinese new year coming le... so happy... haha... my favourite festival of the year.. haha... luv the re nao qi fen...

packing day

as usual today woke up at bout 2... den mama not in... so i cooked hotdog & cheese omelet for myself.. *yummy.. haha wanted to go rivervale mall eat long john's one bt if i go le den reach home at evening liaoz no nd pack my ro0m... haha... so eat the omelet den start packing my room... so happy cos as i juz started packing, i found something precious tat i tot i've lost in my wardrobe... haha such a surprise... ya den pack until my parents n my bro back they bought mi chicken rice from fj square... so take a rest n eat lo.. den watch 'wo ai zhong wu yan' for a while... a veri boliaoz show... i watched onli becos i like gallen lo... haha...

after tat went to ang mo kio with my mum n bro.... bought quite lots of tings... haha gt a new bolster n pillow... lol... ya den helen helped mi bank in the polar de pay le... though nt alot bt still goin to treat my mum to a dinner tomolo.. haha... yupz...

read gh's blog, dun realli know wat happened to her, bt juz hope tat she'll be alrite soon, n gh, wannna tell u tat no matter wat happens, u can count on mi to be there for u kz? frenz always...

few days never blog le... hmm... went jb yest... ya again.. lol.. bought RM60+ de keychains... some is my bro ask mi buy some my sis ask mi buy... haha.. i onli buy 3 lo.. sehz... den buy lots of foood there.. yummy yummy... bought a oreo chees n marble cheese back for my sis...
den yy ask mi go sch today for photo takin for tai yang yu... dun wan to go at first cos i din realli help much... haha bt after much persuading by him, decided to go... asked sam along tooo... bt too bad, received a call at the last min to ask mi go for job interview so cant go sch... sadz... turn out tat they prefer actual 'o' level holders... sehz...
dun realli hav much to blog... dun wan to blog much too.. anyway, hope tat tai yang yu 2005 can be successfully published... also hope tat tai yang yu can be published every year though its onli a 'wish'....

yupz, am so happy to know tat gt 2 sec 1 members r joining ccs while 4 others r considering... hope tat will be able to hav all 6 as sec one members... ;)

today.. juz went st joseph convent in the afternoon... den go home, use com n slack ard awhile, den go kovan meet my sis n her frens go serangoon sec... nt serangoon sec anymore, i mean its a vacant sch nw used to keep the foods n clothing tat will be sent to tsunami affected areas... ya went to sort n pack some clothes... rather fun, alot of ppl there... can see tat most of the ppl r like having fun? haha i mean its a meaningful act ma... lol..

anyway, thx sam n celia for commenting... yupz n also for their support... tink i'll be alrite soon.. bt juz tat even if u get over sumting, whenever u tink bout it u'll still feel sad de rite? dunno wor... hope its juz normal.. haha.. anyway, looking forward to np open hse on 19th...

sumting with a great impact will sure stay in our memory till the day we passed on....

......

well.. chose nt to go back to nj... its my own choice, bt whenever ppl ask, i dunno hw to ans... i dunno wat reason to give... realli... haiz... so i shall juz say bout the heavy traffic congestion there every morning... haha... its a valid reason though, n its also part of my reason for nt going, bt nt the main one... well... its so saddening tat i dun wish to tok bout it...
it juz seemz tat everybody is asking mi hw's jc life... well... i shd've try to experience... bt haiz... maybe i shdn't go on the first day at all... lol...
ya i muz be firm on my stand... its my own choice.. n as long as i believe its rite, i do wat i believe in... yupz... everyone has their own reasons for doin sth... n i dun owe an explanation to everyone rite? anyway, juz hope tat everyting will be alrite though i believe it'll be hard... it's realli hard... haiz..................

today woke up at 11... wanted to go cca orientation de, bt sleep till so late... haha... den went hougang shop awhile den take bus to bedok lo... wanted to buy the pair of shoes one, bt so sad, no more stock le... shd buy it the other day... =(
haiz... so useless of mi, didn manage to collect any essays from the prcs.... they juz dun reply my sms n dun pick up my phone... sehz... becos of this, my five juniors had to write essays on the spot to make up for the essays tat i din manage to collect... am so apologetic, bt wat can i do when the teacher juz wan to do so? from the smses he sent, can see tat they're bu shuang tat they have to write on the spot lo.. i mean, its realli quite unreasonable lo... haiz... bt too bad la, i cant help them.... blame it on my poor relationship with the prcs lo... tat they dun care bout mi at all... sadz... haiz... bt cant blame them also la... i caused them trouble also.. haiz...

realli regret tat i never go back to help out at the orientation, maybe cos i dunno hw to explain to the teachers tat im nt goin back to nj? hahah... i mean sumtimes, nt everything can be said to everyone rite?

anyway, had a long chat with a fren juz nw.. actually nt realli long la, juz tat started smsing in afternoon lo, den gt chat on msn also... wanted to tell the truth one.... bt still hold back, still dun hav the courage...

anyway, juz realised tat sumtimes u'll feell veri comfortable when toking to sumone bt nt others... ya... thinking of it, feel realli comfortable when toking tot tat person (nt tat fren mentioned in last para)... haha... the status is so much apart, bt juz no barrier... haha...

well, tink bout alot of tings today... lots of things has happened in the past yr... realised tat my bonds with my frens had strenghten, n we r more close... bt tings tat happened also made us apart in sum ways... haiz... to sum up, tis is wat i feel of myself these few mths : 这些日子来，我并没有看透，也不曾想通。我不过是在逃避，并且尽量不让自己回忆罢了。。。

内心的城堡

外表的堂皇艳丽
引来了贪目虚荣者
招不徕忠坚职守的堡主

矗立不倒的城堡
看似坚强
其实不堪一击
大大的铁门深深上锁着
无人得以入侵
钥匙就埋在土里
待主人挖掘
平凡的土壤
引不起任何猜疑

幽深的城堡
夜里静得可怕
传说是孤魂野鬼的栖身处
令人惶恐不安

城堡内的世界
那凄凉景象
那悲惨凄清的画面
无人得以见识
无人得以了解
唯一堡主的痛苦

wrote tis during last few days of sch last yr... showed yx be4.. bt made sum amendments... haiz...

Happy New Year!

happy new yr! its been one wk since i last blog... dun tink its a happy yr for most of yr due to the tsunami disaster... haiz..
anyway, attended 1 day of orientation at Nj... its realli fun n i realli enjoyed it... bt i still didn go back... haiz... its sort of i've gt no other choices.... suan le... anyway, glad to know tat most of my frens are happy with their sch's orientation n they enjoyed it veri much.. i mean, which teenager wun be happy to be able to hav great deal of fun?
ya, so stayed at home n enjoy my freedom these few days... can do anyting i wan... tats the advantage... haha.. bt muz admit tat mass dance n cheering of orientation is realli fun... hmmz... den the admisssion criteria for DICS is out... tink shd be able to get in... bt tinking whether is theree realli a future for mi to go? so waiting for the open hse on 19th...
19th jan is a great day... been waiting for it for the past 6 mths... bt it doesnt realli make much diff to mi nw... all the tings tat has happened had happened n they'll be in my memory... nth can change it le rite? well, shall enjoy my freedom nw... haha... bt ppl r preparing for the campfire nw... *envies* lol...